When Did Life Get So Complicated Part II

I was reading a blog from my friend Jen http://www.jenthemom.com - “When Did Life Get So Complicated?” She brought up an excellent point about the life choices you begin to make once you decide to have children, Please check it out (and the rest of her blog also). I think the key here is when in life you choose to make the commitment to have kids.

While many of my friends were getting married and having kids right of college I went my own way. This actually led to the ending of many of those friendships. You know the whole married couple w/ kids thing vs non married single friend thing, just doesn’t work. So, while they went off to get married, get real jobs (just like grown ups) and have multiple kids, I spent the next 10+ years living. There is little that I wanted to do that I didn’t at least give a shot.
I was working in the Theatre and Film industry. Playing in a band and basically my life was my own. I usually had a steady girlfriend of some kind. But most of them couldn’t handle the world of freelance employment, I don’t know where my next pay check is coming from (even though it always came).
I worked all over the country and in England.
I have lit the stage at Carnegie Hall (and got a big hug from Goldie Hawn for it – Loved that!) as well as Lincoln Center.
I have gotten trashed with celebrities (big whoop).
I have rode my Harley up and down the Eastern Seaboard.
I played drums in one of the biggest NY Hardcore bands and hated myself for it. I was also offered the drum spot in a famous Hard Rock band but turned it down in favor of NYU Grad School. I was almost a member of one of the most famous Punk Bands of all time, but at the last minute their drummer returned to the band.
I was thrown out of Ithaca College 2x and NYU Grad School (only one time there).

I never thought about kids because I never really wanted them.
When my wife and I got married (almost 9 years ago) the one thing we both agreed upon was that neither of us wanted kids.

YEAH RIGHT.

Once my sister had her first kid my wife’s biological clock went into overdrive. It was at that point our deal changed. I don’t know exactly the moment it changed, but the deal definitely changed, She wanted to have a kid. I didn’t. She won.
The only positive thing was that it took us over a year to get pregnant so I had a lot of time to come to terms with the idea.
Of course now I wouldn’t trade her for anything.
What I have found is that now at 39, I don’t really have a “things I want to do before I die list” because I have pretty much done it. So being at home with my 2 year old Daughter and working out of the house is really all I need (along with a few reasonable hobbies which my wife tolerates and some which she participates in).

I have never given it much thought ( I guess I have take it for granted that I have pretty much always marched to my own drummer, that's probably how I ended up being a director). But the path you choose is almost a blind choice and you hope for the best. I am always impressed and amazed when people are truly happy and content (I mean really happy not just settling) with what I consider to be a very sort of basic suburban life (This describes my whole family, some happy some not.) Spouse, Kids, two week summer vacation .... I grew up with that all around me but pretty much rejected it right out of the gate. I find the fact that now I have a house, a wife and a daughter a very surreal experience. I was always terrified that I would stop being "me". But that didn't happen. I realize it's not the institution, but the which choices you make. The right spouse is the key, It’s not looks, or money or any of that crap. You have to be with someone who doesn’t want you to be anything other than who you are. That never works (this much I know.) Once you have that, everything else falls into place and happens the way it’s supposed to.