Tuesday, May 24, 2005

40 Questions - Why Me, Why Me?

I saw this in Zazafooky's blog and it seemed like a good idea so I shall follow suit .... She is truly a trend setter....

1) My uncle once:
Tried to climb up the breakfront in my parent's living room while re-enacting the exodus of the Children of Israel during a Seder. I think he’d been smoking a bit too much Panama Red before the meal.

2) Never in my life:
Will I understand the hypocrisy of the religious right.

3) When I was five:
I started playing the drums.

4) High School was:
boring, full of dumbasses who were living the best days of their lives (little did they know at the time, can you say,"Would you like fries with that?") and not over fast enough.

5) I will never forget:
9-11

6) I once met:
I have met a lot of famous people and it means nothing. The best people I have met were not famous.

7) There’s this girl I knew who:
Who could make loud pussy farts on command – She was really popular at parties.

8 ) Once, at a bar:
I drank club soda – ONCE.

9) By noon I’m usually:
Buried in work while my daughter watches Mary Poppins or Mighty Wind for the 400th time.

10) Last night:
The Mets lost AGAIN.

11) If I only had:
the ability to finance my own films and retain complete creative control.

12) Next time I go to church:
Monkey’s will fly out of my ass first.

13) Terry Schiavo:
Was an unfortunate woman.

14) What worries me most:
The lack of humility and humanity expressed by the current administration.

15) When I turn my head left, I see:
A whining Child

16) When I turn my head right, I see:
a snoring Black Lab/Newfie mix

17) You know I’m lying when:
I don’t – well not much anyway.

18) What I miss most about the eighties:
Not a goddamn thing

19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be:
SeƱor Benedict – “Much Ado About Nothing”

20) By this time next year:
I hope to have another finished feature film.

21) A better name for me would be:
Mr. President

22) I have a hard time understanding:
See Question #1 – and add to that the truly intolerant attitude towards the rest of the world. It makes m e sick.

23) If I ever go back to school I’ll:
Not gonna happen.

24) You know I like you if:
If I insult you within 5 minutes of meeting you.

25) If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be:
My wife,

26) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro:
Genius, Genius, Funny Fuckin Guy & A joke ….

27) Take my advice, never:
believe anyone who tells you “Oh it will only take a minute” every thing takes 3 hours.

28) My ideal breakfast is:
Eggs Benedict – Extra Hollandaise / sausage/ Grits / Lots of coffee

29) A song I love, but do not have is:
It’s not possible.

30) If you visit my hometown, I suggest:
You think better of it and go somewhere else, like Passaic.

31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars:
Dutch, Something other people have, a good idea, generally skinny and sweaty.

32) Why won’t people:
Just shut the fuck up!

33) If you spend the night at my house:
I’d rather you didn’t.

34) I’d stop my wedding for:
It was so quick there wasn’t time enough to stop it.

35) The world could do without:
Religion and the zealots who preach it.

36) I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than:
Hmmm Nope.

37) My favorite blonde is:
Helen Hunt.

38) Paper clips are more useful than:
George Bush

39) If I do anything well, it’s:
See the big picture.

40) And by the way:
Go Fuck Yourself …. And have a nice day
(The new motto of New York City)

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Dumpster Diving Days or NYC On $4 A Day.

Ok, due to popular demand, I will elaborate on my “Dumpster Diving” reference. For those of you not from the NYC/Metropolitan area, you have to understand that Dumpster Diving, is like an Olympic event here in the Big Apple. One man’s trash is another man’s armoire, particularly if you are in the West Village, but that in itself is a whole other blog. Anyway, there is no shame in routing around in someone else trash pile because once it hits the street, it’s up for grabs. I found 5, antique 6 panel doors for my house in the dumpster around the block. The folks renovating that house just chucked them, Solid core 100 year old doors … Their loss. So you see Dumpster Diving isn’t necessarily a gross, stinky proposition … not always …

However, the tale I am going to tell is not quite as quaint as all of this. First we have to roll back the clock – It’s May, 1993. The theatre season in NYC is winding down (and the indie film industry in NYC doesn’t really exist yet). I am still just a freelance theatre / film electrician. When there was work, I worked all the time, but when the season ends, it gets pretty thin. This was a particularly slow year. So, mid year I took a job working in a lighting rental house down in the meat packing district (that’s Washington & 14th Street for those of you who are unfamiliar with area) this is basically the northern most tip of the West Village. The good news was, that I was making enough money to basically pay my rent (half of $450/month) which got me and a buddy of mine a 1 bedroom 5 floor walk up on the Lower East Side. It is incredibly trendy now, back then, not so much. So my meager salary left me about $20/week after rent. Things were thin. The bad news was, the foul stench of hot rotting meat was rather unpleasant.

So, I was basically working exactly, diagonally across town (almost river to river) from where I lived. The other important piece of information you need to know is that the NYC Subway reeks in the summer and the station at 1st Ave & 1st Street (my stop) was the worst in lower Manhattan. Something akin to a gigantic urinal. Very often I would choose to save the $1.25 (yes it was $1.25 back then) and walk home, particularly if it was nice out. Now, the thing you have to understand is that I was not alone. Most of my friends at the time were surviving in the same tax bracket and every dime saved was a dime that could be spent on beer.

Right about now you are thinking “Enough already, tell us about the dumpster diving.” Ok. I am getting to it.

What we, a cadre of virtually unemployed theatre technicians did to ensure that no one went hungry was to develop a system of survival known as “NYC on $4 a day”. There are many ways to get by without cash in NYC if you are smart.

Exhibit #1
One of the big bonuses of working in the meat packing district was that there were dumpsters full of discarded cow shanks that still had huge chunks of meat on them. Of course the foul stench of the meat packing district during the humid months of July and August is enough to make you gag. However, the trade off of actual meat on a regular basis was well worth it. We closed at 5:30pm, the meat packer were done by 4pm and sanitation didn’t show up until 8 or 9pm. So I would grab a garbage bag and run across the street. It took some scrounging but I always managed to find that one shank that still had a meals worth of meat on it and the flies never get down that far …..
While the quality of the meat wasn’t filet, cut up into pieces and cooked for a while it made a fine stew. Very “Sullivan’s Travels” <---(obscure film reference for those of you paying attention.)

Exhibit #2
New York is known for it’s gourmet food stores and the village is chock full of them. Well as every good scrounger knows, Thursday is free pasta sample night at Balducci's. Yes, they actually give you cups of pasta and gourmet sauce to sample while you are shopping, in hopes of getting you to buy some. Not to mention the cheese counter where they will always let you sample a hunk of your favorite stinky foot cheese. The bread counter always has sample bits in a basket and the dessert section always has little bits laid out for you approval. It’s almost like a 4 course meal. That’s just Balducci's. There were other stores on other nights.

Exhibit #3
The illegal Hindu butcher. Downstairs and around the block from my apt on the Lower East Side there was a Hindu butcher shop. However, it wasn’t a legal butcher shop. I am sure that the things that went on in their would have gotten the owners and employees deported, forget about closed down. But, what they did have was a whole chicken (well a very scrawny whole chicken) for $2. So for half my daily disposable income I could purchase a chicken that usually didn’t make me ill. I would cook the whole thing and then douse it in Frank’s Red Hot to kill anything that wasn’t yet dead. Haute Cuisine this was not….

Exhibit #4
B&H Bagels. – The day old bagels that get dumped by them at the end of the night (around 11:30pm) were perfectly fine after you toasted them. I would fill up a back pack full of them and throw them in the freezer. Frozen bagels …. Yum…

Exhibit #5
Last but not least – the thing every college student and starving artist develops a taste for early on…. Ramen noodles. Yep, It’s not great, it might not even qualify as food, but it is filling, cheap and readily available.

Looking back now, these things make me smile. But at the time … Actually it made me smile then also. I have always been a survivor and adventurer.

Of course now I have a proper house, wife and child. It would be bad form to go dumpster diving now … unless there was a really cool wrought iron chandelier in that dumpster of there……

Monday, May 16, 2005

B&B Production Journal - Installment #3

I know you are all eagerly waiting for the next installment in the B&B unpleasantness. Well here goes…
Nothing….. Not a goddamn thing. It seems everyone is at Cannes so I guess the rest of the world just stops. So there has been no progress made and we are no closer to a green light go date. In fact right now there is no way we can shoot this summer. August at the earliest and more likely September. At this point I really don’t care. The re-writes they have forced us to do have turned my quirky little indie character driven comedy into just another stupid, shallow waste of time. At this point I would rather just pack it in and move on to the next project. And I just might have one. But as I clearly don’t enjoy working, I will mention the new “potential” project here to ensure that it doesn’t happen …

One of my best friends, over there across the pond has decided that what he would really like to do is adapt a book that he has loved for going on about 25 years. He turned me onto it about 10 years ago last time I was over there, and I was hooked, So out of the blue two weeks ago he called me up and suggested we collaborate on this project. So, over memorial day weekend (Actually Thursday thru Tuesday ) I am going to hop on over the pond back to Briney, have a decent pint of bitter, a steak and kidney pie or 6, and just maybe start writing a new script to be shot over there in London. I must say, I am little excited about getting back over there even if it is for just a couple of days. Up until about 10 years ago., I spent a lot of time there. I came to realize it’s the only other place I could live outside of NYC. Sad but true.

Of course the minute I get involved in this new project, B&B will get a green light and screw up my world completely. Should I be complaining about all of this? Probably not. I certainly have it pretty good. Gone are the lean days of my youth, living paycheck to paycheck and dumpster diving for dinner (I'’ll save that one for another blog). However the psychological stress of not being able to plan my life farther than a month or two ahead really takes it’s toll on me and my family.

Stay tuned.
Jesus is coming ... Look Busy.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Nothing Like A $250,000 Cigar!

Did you know that if you, an American citizen or permanent resident of the US, buy a Cuban cigar in some other country, you can be fined up to $250,000 and up to 10 years in prison? Yep, you have now broken a law signed by President Bush in 2004, sponsored by the Dept. Of the Treasury, Office of Foreign Assets control. I bet you didn't hear about this one did you? Of course not. It was signed in some back room in the West Wing. If you don't believe me check out "Cigar Magazine" Spring 2005 edition, page 16, tobacco News. Now, I am not a cigar smoker, but I am an American and it causes me great concern that the government has passed a law without telling anyone that controls what I do legally in another country. Shall we also be arrested for going to Bull Fights in Spain? For sampling the occasional Space Cake while engaging a prostitute in Amsterdam? For drinking absinthe in Romania? Or worse, If you were born in Antigua, came here for work, became a permanent resident and then went home to visit your family, the Govt. Of Bush can throw you in prison for lighting up a $5 Bolivar in you native homeland.
This is serious. They weren't satisfied regulating your life here, now they want to tell the rest of the world what they can and can not do.
Remember, the Republican Party is the party of smaller Govt.
MY ASS.
Have e a nice day.