These last two weeks have been pretty rough and I appreciate all of the support I have gotten from my friends both here and in the 3D world.
So what's new in Charlie land...
Our new script is getting rave reviews from all the right people over there in the UK. Even I am a little surprised. As after this last fiasco I was starting to doubt my own sense of what is good and what sucks.
We just made our cast wish list and I have to tell you, it's a doozy. But hey, why not shoot for the stars (no pun intended).
I had an idea that I was working on for my Cassevetes-esque director/actor project but I have lost the fire for that particular story. So I am back to the drawing board and I need to finish the script by July 11 so I am quickly running out of time. So I am still welcoming stories and character studies from all of you out there.
TJ - one bizarre day in your life ought to do it.
CD - Perhaps a day in your life also.
I have just gotten a freelance job shooting market research interviews in and around NYC. It is stupid as all get out but I get paid to shoot and ask strangers questions. Which I do for free on my own ducumentary stuff so this is better. At least for now.
And last but not least, I finally moved my office down to the basement (as opposed to the great room feast table) and it is great. I have all of me gear set up and I can actually get things done. The only hitch is that there is no a/c down there yet and I am dripping sweat on my keyboard as I type (right now). So I am off to loews to rectify this.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Brian Pohanka - March 20, 1955 - June 15, 2005
My friend died Tuesday morning. It wasn't a surprise. We have been on what could be termed a "death watch" for about a month now. But he passed away in his sleep Tuesday morning.
I didn't know him very long (4 years) but in that time we developed a bond.
He was a well known historian and a bit of a celebrity in the world of Civil War Re-enacting and Civil War History. His was a pioneer within the preservation community (Preserving Civil War battlefields), as he was one of the first people to realize that these precious sites needed to be saved from the developers tractors and he put his money where his mouth was. As well as his time and his pen.
All of this made my friend a very important and well known person in many historical circles. He has been seen on the History Channel as one of the historians on The Civil War Journal as well as Ken Burn's Civil War Documentary. He was the technical consultant on Glory, Gettysburg, Gods & Generals & Cold Mountain. He was probably the smartest person I have ever met or will ever meet. But all of that has been said or written in the various obituaries that have spring up since Tuesday.
My friend was also one of the kindest, noble and thoughtful people that I have ever had the pleasure to know. He was truly a man of the 19th Century. He would never bad mouth anyone, even when that person deserved it. He was helpful to a fault and did not hold a grudge. He was a true example of what it means to be "A Good Person". I know my gruff "Brooklynite" manner often made him laugh and more than once he took me to task on the way I handled a situation (I was less tactful than I ought to have been) but he never tore me down for it. I learned how to be a better person because of him.
Now he's gone. He leaves a legacy of preservation and vision behind him. But more than that he leaves an example of how people should behave towards each other. He has left a hole in the hobby and in our lives that can never be filled and in my opinion should not be. What we need to do is rise to his challenge. Be better people. Take up the fight in his name. I don't know about anyone else, but that's exactly what I am going to do.
Oh Captain, My Captain,
I will miss our daily e-mails. I will miss our film coversations around the fire. I'll miss your interesting theories regarding Dick Cheney and the Yeti. I'll miss your unending wealth of knowledge.
But most of all, I will miss you.
I will never forget you.
Your Pard
Charlie
I didn't know him very long (4 years) but in that time we developed a bond.
He was a well known historian and a bit of a celebrity in the world of Civil War Re-enacting and Civil War History. His was a pioneer within the preservation community (Preserving Civil War battlefields), as he was one of the first people to realize that these precious sites needed to be saved from the developers tractors and he put his money where his mouth was. As well as his time and his pen.
All of this made my friend a very important and well known person in many historical circles. He has been seen on the History Channel as one of the historians on The Civil War Journal as well as Ken Burn's Civil War Documentary. He was the technical consultant on Glory, Gettysburg, Gods & Generals & Cold Mountain. He was probably the smartest person I have ever met or will ever meet. But all of that has been said or written in the various obituaries that have spring up since Tuesday.
My friend was also one of the kindest, noble and thoughtful people that I have ever had the pleasure to know. He was truly a man of the 19th Century. He would never bad mouth anyone, even when that person deserved it. He was helpful to a fault and did not hold a grudge. He was a true example of what it means to be "A Good Person". I know my gruff "Brooklynite" manner often made him laugh and more than once he took me to task on the way I handled a situation (I was less tactful than I ought to have been) but he never tore me down for it. I learned how to be a better person because of him.
Now he's gone. He leaves a legacy of preservation and vision behind him. But more than that he leaves an example of how people should behave towards each other. He has left a hole in the hobby and in our lives that can never be filled and in my opinion should not be. What we need to do is rise to his challenge. Be better people. Take up the fight in his name. I don't know about anyone else, but that's exactly what I am going to do.
Oh Captain, My Captain,
I will miss our daily e-mails. I will miss our film coversations around the fire. I'll miss your interesting theories regarding Dick Cheney and the Yeti. I'll miss your unending wealth of knowledge.
But most of all, I will miss you.
I will never forget you.
Your Pard
Charlie
Monday, June 13, 2005
Your Ideas Wanted Here!
OK, in preperation for this large undertaking in the UK next year, I have decided to throw caution to the wind and shoot a micro-micro-micro mini (I mean small here) budget feature film this summer. I am thinking 4 or 5 actors at most, no crew but myself and my camera (with the actors taking turns holding the boom). What I don't have is an idea. A story (well not yet anyway). I am giving myself until the end of June to finsish the script so that I can shoot in August.
So, how does this affect you, my faithful readers and friends? You all have stories. ALL OF YOU, Some more interesting than others but you all have them,
ESPECIALLY YOU TJ.
So, if you fancy your story being hacked up and turned around and basically turned into something you will never recognize as your story please email me the ideas. I will give you full credit for the idea in the movie.
DON'T POST THEM HERE. THAT WOULD BE BAD.
After I choose the story I will post my choice here. Once the script is written (and copyrighted) I will post a synopsis here.
And after the film is finished I will send a copy to all who submitted "realistic ideas". Meaning that if you suggest I shoot Star Wars Xll I will ignore you.
Anyway, it seemed like a good way to kill some time this summer while waiting for the financing to come through on the UK shoot.
OK, your turn.
So, how does this affect you, my faithful readers and friends? You all have stories. ALL OF YOU, Some more interesting than others but you all have them,
ESPECIALLY YOU TJ.
So, if you fancy your story being hacked up and turned around and basically turned into something you will never recognize as your story please email me the ideas. I will give you full credit for the idea in the movie.
DON'T POST THEM HERE. THAT WOULD BE BAD.
After I choose the story I will post my choice here. Once the script is written (and copyrighted) I will post a synopsis here.
And after the film is finished I will send a copy to all who submitted "realistic ideas". Meaning that if you suggest I shoot Star Wars Xll I will ignore you.
Anyway, it seemed like a good way to kill some time this summer while waiting for the financing to come through on the UK shoot.
OK, your turn.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Two Weeks
It's done!
At exactly 3:45am this morning.
It took exactly two weeks.
I can't believe it.
120 pages.
This was the fastest first draft of a script I have ever written and it's by no means crap. I am actually quite shocked at how good it is. I am my own worst critic and I have trashed, burned and deleted many a completed script after the first read.
This one ....
This one could be it.
Jeez, I'm tired.
At exactly 3:45am this morning.
It took exactly two weeks.
I can't believe it.
120 pages.
This was the fastest first draft of a script I have ever written and it's by no means crap. I am actually quite shocked at how good it is. I am my own worst critic and I have trashed, burned and deleted many a completed script after the first read.
This one ....
This one could be it.
Jeez, I'm tired.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Free At Last ... Oh Lordy ... (You know the rest)
It’s Dead Jim …. And boy am I happy!!!!!!
I finally heard from my (ex) executive producer. As she was trying to explain to me why she hadn’t gotten back to me sooner and how she is still trying to track down the suck-butt of an investor I managed to get her to shut up long enough to tell her that we were done. That the game is over. We’re not playing anymore. It took a couple of seconds for it to register ( I really enjoyed those). Finally she said,”What?” and I said, we’re done here. Neither “P” or I find this amusing anymore. She said what do you mean, so I layed it out for her thusly;
1- Your lack of communication skills have fucked up this project from the minute you got involved.
2- You have taken the small, character driven script that had a cast attached, locations locked up and what was basically a “go movie” and turned it to a steaming pile of crap that I would be embarrassed to give to Keanu Reeves to read.
3- You have made numerous promises of which none ever came to fruition.
4- You forced us to make changes to our script that clearly you yourself didn’t even understand.
5- You don’t have the slightest clue about what independent film is.
6- You should really consider a career change
7- You have wasted a year of my life.
There was not much else to say except goodbye, which I said gladly. I feel as if a 5 year old weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Now, this new project, is a whole different story. The script is practically writing itself (I am on page 91 of what will most likely be 110 pages) and in my humble opinion it is the best 1st draft of a script I have ever written. As I finish large sections I have been sending them off to my partner “J” in the UK so he can Anglicize them. It’s great to have a new fresh project to be working on.
We are also beginning to lay the groundwork for the big move to UK. Though it’s most likely a year and half off, there are decisions we need to start making now, All in all I am pretty damn happy.
Go figure…
I finally heard from my (ex) executive producer. As she was trying to explain to me why she hadn’t gotten back to me sooner and how she is still trying to track down the suck-butt of an investor I managed to get her to shut up long enough to tell her that we were done. That the game is over. We’re not playing anymore. It took a couple of seconds for it to register ( I really enjoyed those). Finally she said,”What?” and I said, we’re done here. Neither “P” or I find this amusing anymore. She said what do you mean, so I layed it out for her thusly;
1- Your lack of communication skills have fucked up this project from the minute you got involved.
2- You have taken the small, character driven script that had a cast attached, locations locked up and what was basically a “go movie” and turned it to a steaming pile of crap that I would be embarrassed to give to Keanu Reeves to read.
3- You have made numerous promises of which none ever came to fruition.
4- You forced us to make changes to our script that clearly you yourself didn’t even understand.
5- You don’t have the slightest clue about what independent film is.
6- You should really consider a career change
7- You have wasted a year of my life.
There was not much else to say except goodbye, which I said gladly. I feel as if a 5 year old weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Now, this new project, is a whole different story. The script is practically writing itself (I am on page 91 of what will most likely be 110 pages) and in my humble opinion it is the best 1st draft of a script I have ever written. As I finish large sections I have been sending them off to my partner “J” in the UK so he can Anglicize them. It’s great to have a new fresh project to be working on.
We are also beginning to lay the groundwork for the big move to UK. Though it’s most likely a year and half off, there are decisions we need to start making now, All in all I am pretty damn happy.
Go figure…
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Back in the US of A
Well, I have returned. Perhaps just for a little while. My desire to relocate to the UK has been tickled again. There are any number of blogs that will come out of my recent sojourn across the pond but the end result is that a new film project to be shot in England is in the works (which means I am working on the script right now, well not Right this moment) with the hopes of shooting exactly one year from now and relocating the family there not long after the film is finished.
You could say it was a productive week.
Ah, and the Guinness was damn fine.....
You could say it was a productive week.
Ah, and the Guinness was damn fine.....
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
40 Questions - Why Me, Why Me?
I saw this in Zazafooky's blog and it seemed like a good idea so I shall follow suit .... She is truly a trend setter....
1) My uncle once:
Tried to climb up the breakfront in my parent's living room while re-enacting the exodus of the Children of Israel during a Seder. I think he’d been smoking a bit too much Panama Red before the meal.
2) Never in my life:
Will I understand the hypocrisy of the religious right.
3) When I was five:
I started playing the drums.
4) High School was:
boring, full of dumbasses who were living the best days of their lives (little did they know at the time, can you say,"Would you like fries with that?") and not over fast enough.
5) I will never forget:
9-11
6) I once met:
I have met a lot of famous people and it means nothing. The best people I have met were not famous.
7) There’s this girl I knew who:
Who could make loud pussy farts on command – She was really popular at parties.
8 ) Once, at a bar:
I drank club soda – ONCE.
9) By noon I’m usually:
Buried in work while my daughter watches Mary Poppins or Mighty Wind for the 400th time.
10) Last night:
The Mets lost AGAIN.
11) If I only had:
the ability to finance my own films and retain complete creative control.
12) Next time I go to church:
Monkey’s will fly out of my ass first.
13) Terry Schiavo:
Was an unfortunate woman.
14) What worries me most:
The lack of humility and humanity expressed by the current administration.
15) When I turn my head left, I see:
A whining Child
16) When I turn my head right, I see:
a snoring Black Lab/Newfie mix
17) You know I’m lying when:
I don’t – well not much anyway.
18) What I miss most about the eighties:
Not a goddamn thing
19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be:
Señor Benedict – “Much Ado About Nothing”
20) By this time next year:
I hope to have another finished feature film.
21) A better name for me would be:
Mr. President
22) I have a hard time understanding:
See Question #1 – and add to that the truly intolerant attitude towards the rest of the world. It makes m e sick.
23) If I ever go back to school I’ll:
Not gonna happen.
24) You know I like you if:
If I insult you within 5 minutes of meeting you.
25) If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be:
My wife,
26) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro:
Genius, Genius, Funny Fuckin Guy & A joke ….
27) Take my advice, never:
believe anyone who tells you “Oh it will only take a minute” every thing takes 3 hours.
28) My ideal breakfast is:
Eggs Benedict – Extra Hollandaise / sausage/ Grits / Lots of coffee
29) A song I love, but do not have is:
It’s not possible.
30) If you visit my hometown, I suggest:
You think better of it and go somewhere else, like Passaic.
31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars:
Dutch, Something other people have, a good idea, generally skinny and sweaty.
32) Why won’t people:
Just shut the fuck up!
33) If you spend the night at my house:
I’d rather you didn’t.
34) I’d stop my wedding for:
It was so quick there wasn’t time enough to stop it.
35) The world could do without:
Religion and the zealots who preach it.
36) I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than:
Hmmm Nope.
37) My favorite blonde is:
Helen Hunt.
38) Paper clips are more useful than:
George Bush
39) If I do anything well, it’s:
See the big picture.
40) And by the way:
Go Fuck Yourself …. And have a nice day
(The new motto of New York City)
1) My uncle once:
Tried to climb up the breakfront in my parent's living room while re-enacting the exodus of the Children of Israel during a Seder. I think he’d been smoking a bit too much Panama Red before the meal.
2) Never in my life:
Will I understand the hypocrisy of the religious right.
3) When I was five:
I started playing the drums.
4) High School was:
boring, full of dumbasses who were living the best days of their lives (little did they know at the time, can you say,"Would you like fries with that?") and not over fast enough.
5) I will never forget:
9-11
6) I once met:
I have met a lot of famous people and it means nothing. The best people I have met were not famous.
7) There’s this girl I knew who:
Who could make loud pussy farts on command – She was really popular at parties.
8 ) Once, at a bar:
I drank club soda – ONCE.
9) By noon I’m usually:
Buried in work while my daughter watches Mary Poppins or Mighty Wind for the 400th time.
10) Last night:
The Mets lost AGAIN.
11) If I only had:
the ability to finance my own films and retain complete creative control.
12) Next time I go to church:
Monkey’s will fly out of my ass first.
13) Terry Schiavo:
Was an unfortunate woman.
14) What worries me most:
The lack of humility and humanity expressed by the current administration.
15) When I turn my head left, I see:
A whining Child
16) When I turn my head right, I see:
a snoring Black Lab/Newfie mix
17) You know I’m lying when:
I don’t – well not much anyway.
18) What I miss most about the eighties:
Not a goddamn thing
19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be:
Señor Benedict – “Much Ado About Nothing”
20) By this time next year:
I hope to have another finished feature film.
21) A better name for me would be:
Mr. President
22) I have a hard time understanding:
See Question #1 – and add to that the truly intolerant attitude towards the rest of the world. It makes m e sick.
23) If I ever go back to school I’ll:
Not gonna happen.
24) You know I like you if:
If I insult you within 5 minutes of meeting you.
25) If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be:
My wife,
26) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro:
Genius, Genius, Funny Fuckin Guy & A joke ….
27) Take my advice, never:
believe anyone who tells you “Oh it will only take a minute” every thing takes 3 hours.
28) My ideal breakfast is:
Eggs Benedict – Extra Hollandaise / sausage/ Grits / Lots of coffee
29) A song I love, but do not have is:
It’s not possible.
30) If you visit my hometown, I suggest:
You think better of it and go somewhere else, like Passaic.
31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars:
Dutch, Something other people have, a good idea, generally skinny and sweaty.
32) Why won’t people:
Just shut the fuck up!
33) If you spend the night at my house:
I’d rather you didn’t.
34) I’d stop my wedding for:
It was so quick there wasn’t time enough to stop it.
35) The world could do without:
Religion and the zealots who preach it.
36) I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than:
Hmmm Nope.
37) My favorite blonde is:
Helen Hunt.
38) Paper clips are more useful than:
George Bush
39) If I do anything well, it’s:
See the big picture.
40) And by the way:
Go Fuck Yourself …. And have a nice day
(The new motto of New York City)
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Dumpster Diving Days or NYC On $4 A Day.
Ok, due to popular demand, I will elaborate on my “Dumpster Diving” reference. For those of you not from the NYC/Metropolitan area, you have to understand that Dumpster Diving, is like an Olympic event here in the Big Apple. One man’s trash is another man’s armoire, particularly if you are in the West Village, but that in itself is a whole other blog. Anyway, there is no shame in routing around in someone else trash pile because once it hits the street, it’s up for grabs. I found 5, antique 6 panel doors for my house in the dumpster around the block. The folks renovating that house just chucked them, Solid core 100 year old doors … Their loss. So you see Dumpster Diving isn’t necessarily a gross, stinky proposition … not always …
However, the tale I am going to tell is not quite as quaint as all of this. First we have to roll back the clock – It’s May, 1993. The theatre season in NYC is winding down (and the indie film industry in NYC doesn’t really exist yet). I am still just a freelance theatre / film electrician. When there was work, I worked all the time, but when the season ends, it gets pretty thin. This was a particularly slow year. So, mid year I took a job working in a lighting rental house down in the meat packing district (that’s Washington & 14th Street for those of you who are unfamiliar with area) this is basically the northern most tip of the West Village. The good news was, that I was making enough money to basically pay my rent (half of $450/month) which got me and a buddy of mine a 1 bedroom 5 floor walk up on the Lower East Side. It is incredibly trendy now, back then, not so much. So my meager salary left me about $20/week after rent. Things were thin. The bad news was, the foul stench of hot rotting meat was rather unpleasant.
So, I was basically working exactly, diagonally across town (almost river to river) from where I lived. The other important piece of information you need to know is that the NYC Subway reeks in the summer and the station at 1st Ave & 1st Street (my stop) was the worst in lower Manhattan. Something akin to a gigantic urinal. Very often I would choose to save the $1.25 (yes it was $1.25 back then) and walk home, particularly if it was nice out. Now, the thing you have to understand is that I was not alone. Most of my friends at the time were surviving in the same tax bracket and every dime saved was a dime that could be spent on beer.
Right about now you are thinking “Enough already, tell us about the dumpster diving.” Ok. I am getting to it.
What we, a cadre of virtually unemployed theatre technicians did to ensure that no one went hungry was to develop a system of survival known as “NYC on $4 a day”. There are many ways to get by without cash in NYC if you are smart.
Exhibit #1
One of the big bonuses of working in the meat packing district was that there were dumpsters full of discarded cow shanks that still had huge chunks of meat on them. Of course the foul stench of the meat packing district during the humid months of July and August is enough to make you gag. However, the trade off of actual meat on a regular basis was well worth it. We closed at 5:30pm, the meat packer were done by 4pm and sanitation didn’t show up until 8 or 9pm. So I would grab a garbage bag and run across the street. It took some scrounging but I always managed to find that one shank that still had a meals worth of meat on it and the flies never get down that far …..
While the quality of the meat wasn’t filet, cut up into pieces and cooked for a while it made a fine stew. Very “Sullivan’s Travels” <---(obscure film reference for those of you paying attention.)
Exhibit #2
New York is known for it’s gourmet food stores and the village is chock full of them. Well as every good scrounger knows, Thursday is free pasta sample night at Balducci's. Yes, they actually give you cups of pasta and gourmet sauce to sample while you are shopping, in hopes of getting you to buy some. Not to mention the cheese counter where they will always let you sample a hunk of your favorite stinky foot cheese. The bread counter always has sample bits in a basket and the dessert section always has little bits laid out for you approval. It’s almost like a 4 course meal. That’s just Balducci's. There were other stores on other nights.
Exhibit #3
The illegal Hindu butcher. Downstairs and around the block from my apt on the Lower East Side there was a Hindu butcher shop. However, it wasn’t a legal butcher shop. I am sure that the things that went on in their would have gotten the owners and employees deported, forget about closed down. But, what they did have was a whole chicken (well a very scrawny whole chicken) for $2. So for half my daily disposable income I could purchase a chicken that usually didn’t make me ill. I would cook the whole thing and then douse it in Frank’s Red Hot to kill anything that wasn’t yet dead. Haute Cuisine this was not….
Exhibit #4
B&H Bagels. – The day old bagels that get dumped by them at the end of the night (around 11:30pm) were perfectly fine after you toasted them. I would fill up a back pack full of them and throw them in the freezer. Frozen bagels …. Yum…
Exhibit #5
Last but not least – the thing every college student and starving artist develops a taste for early on…. Ramen noodles. Yep, It’s not great, it might not even qualify as food, but it is filling, cheap and readily available.
Looking back now, these things make me smile. But at the time … Actually it made me smile then also. I have always been a survivor and adventurer.
Of course now I have a proper house, wife and child. It would be bad form to go dumpster diving now … unless there was a really cool wrought iron chandelier in that dumpster of there……
However, the tale I am going to tell is not quite as quaint as all of this. First we have to roll back the clock – It’s May, 1993. The theatre season in NYC is winding down (and the indie film industry in NYC doesn’t really exist yet). I am still just a freelance theatre / film electrician. When there was work, I worked all the time, but when the season ends, it gets pretty thin. This was a particularly slow year. So, mid year I took a job working in a lighting rental house down in the meat packing district (that’s Washington & 14th Street for those of you who are unfamiliar with area) this is basically the northern most tip of the West Village. The good news was, that I was making enough money to basically pay my rent (half of $450/month) which got me and a buddy of mine a 1 bedroom 5 floor walk up on the Lower East Side. It is incredibly trendy now, back then, not so much. So my meager salary left me about $20/week after rent. Things were thin. The bad news was, the foul stench of hot rotting meat was rather unpleasant.
So, I was basically working exactly, diagonally across town (almost river to river) from where I lived. The other important piece of information you need to know is that the NYC Subway reeks in the summer and the station at 1st Ave & 1st Street (my stop) was the worst in lower Manhattan. Something akin to a gigantic urinal. Very often I would choose to save the $1.25 (yes it was $1.25 back then) and walk home, particularly if it was nice out. Now, the thing you have to understand is that I was not alone. Most of my friends at the time were surviving in the same tax bracket and every dime saved was a dime that could be spent on beer.
Right about now you are thinking “Enough already, tell us about the dumpster diving.” Ok. I am getting to it.
What we, a cadre of virtually unemployed theatre technicians did to ensure that no one went hungry was to develop a system of survival known as “NYC on $4 a day”. There are many ways to get by without cash in NYC if you are smart.
Exhibit #1
One of the big bonuses of working in the meat packing district was that there were dumpsters full of discarded cow shanks that still had huge chunks of meat on them. Of course the foul stench of the meat packing district during the humid months of July and August is enough to make you gag. However, the trade off of actual meat on a regular basis was well worth it. We closed at 5:30pm, the meat packer were done by 4pm and sanitation didn’t show up until 8 or 9pm. So I would grab a garbage bag and run across the street. It took some scrounging but I always managed to find that one shank that still had a meals worth of meat on it and the flies never get down that far …..
While the quality of the meat wasn’t filet, cut up into pieces and cooked for a while it made a fine stew. Very “Sullivan’s Travels” <---(obscure film reference for those of you paying attention.)
Exhibit #2
New York is known for it’s gourmet food stores and the village is chock full of them. Well as every good scrounger knows, Thursday is free pasta sample night at Balducci's. Yes, they actually give you cups of pasta and gourmet sauce to sample while you are shopping, in hopes of getting you to buy some. Not to mention the cheese counter where they will always let you sample a hunk of your favorite stinky foot cheese. The bread counter always has sample bits in a basket and the dessert section always has little bits laid out for you approval. It’s almost like a 4 course meal. That’s just Balducci's. There were other stores on other nights.
Exhibit #3
The illegal Hindu butcher. Downstairs and around the block from my apt on the Lower East Side there was a Hindu butcher shop. However, it wasn’t a legal butcher shop. I am sure that the things that went on in their would have gotten the owners and employees deported, forget about closed down. But, what they did have was a whole chicken (well a very scrawny whole chicken) for $2. So for half my daily disposable income I could purchase a chicken that usually didn’t make me ill. I would cook the whole thing and then douse it in Frank’s Red Hot to kill anything that wasn’t yet dead. Haute Cuisine this was not….
Exhibit #4
B&H Bagels. – The day old bagels that get dumped by them at the end of the night (around 11:30pm) were perfectly fine after you toasted them. I would fill up a back pack full of them and throw them in the freezer. Frozen bagels …. Yum…
Exhibit #5
Last but not least – the thing every college student and starving artist develops a taste for early on…. Ramen noodles. Yep, It’s not great, it might not even qualify as food, but it is filling, cheap and readily available.
Looking back now, these things make me smile. But at the time … Actually it made me smile then also. I have always been a survivor and adventurer.
Of course now I have a proper house, wife and child. It would be bad form to go dumpster diving now … unless there was a really cool wrought iron chandelier in that dumpster of there……
Monday, May 16, 2005
B&B Production Journal - Installment #3
I know you are all eagerly waiting for the next installment in the B&B unpleasantness. Well here goes…
Nothing….. Not a goddamn thing. It seems everyone is at Cannes so I guess the rest of the world just stops. So there has been no progress made and we are no closer to a green light go date. In fact right now there is no way we can shoot this summer. August at the earliest and more likely September. At this point I really don’t care. The re-writes they have forced us to do have turned my quirky little indie character driven comedy into just another stupid, shallow waste of time. At this point I would rather just pack it in and move on to the next project. And I just might have one. But as I clearly don’t enjoy working, I will mention the new “potential” project here to ensure that it doesn’t happen …
One of my best friends, over there across the pond has decided that what he would really like to do is adapt a book that he has loved for going on about 25 years. He turned me onto it about 10 years ago last time I was over there, and I was hooked, So out of the blue two weeks ago he called me up and suggested we collaborate on this project. So, over memorial day weekend (Actually Thursday thru Tuesday ) I am going to hop on over the pond back to Briney, have a decent pint of bitter, a steak and kidney pie or 6, and just maybe start writing a new script to be shot over there in London. I must say, I am little excited about getting back over there even if it is for just a couple of days. Up until about 10 years ago., I spent a lot of time there. I came to realize it’s the only other place I could live outside of NYC. Sad but true.
Of course the minute I get involved in this new project, B&B will get a green light and screw up my world completely. Should I be complaining about all of this? Probably not. I certainly have it pretty good. Gone are the lean days of my youth, living paycheck to paycheck and dumpster diving for dinner (I'’ll save that one for another blog). However the psychological stress of not being able to plan my life farther than a month or two ahead really takes it’s toll on me and my family.
Stay tuned.
Jesus is coming ... Look Busy.
Nothing….. Not a goddamn thing. It seems everyone is at Cannes so I guess the rest of the world just stops. So there has been no progress made and we are no closer to a green light go date. In fact right now there is no way we can shoot this summer. August at the earliest and more likely September. At this point I really don’t care. The re-writes they have forced us to do have turned my quirky little indie character driven comedy into just another stupid, shallow waste of time. At this point I would rather just pack it in and move on to the next project. And I just might have one. But as I clearly don’t enjoy working, I will mention the new “potential” project here to ensure that it doesn’t happen …
One of my best friends, over there across the pond has decided that what he would really like to do is adapt a book that he has loved for going on about 25 years. He turned me onto it about 10 years ago last time I was over there, and I was hooked, So out of the blue two weeks ago he called me up and suggested we collaborate on this project. So, over memorial day weekend (Actually Thursday thru Tuesday ) I am going to hop on over the pond back to Briney, have a decent pint of bitter, a steak and kidney pie or 6, and just maybe start writing a new script to be shot over there in London. I must say, I am little excited about getting back over there even if it is for just a couple of days. Up until about 10 years ago., I spent a lot of time there. I came to realize it’s the only other place I could live outside of NYC. Sad but true.
Of course the minute I get involved in this new project, B&B will get a green light and screw up my world completely. Should I be complaining about all of this? Probably not. I certainly have it pretty good. Gone are the lean days of my youth, living paycheck to paycheck and dumpster diving for dinner (I'’ll save that one for another blog). However the psychological stress of not being able to plan my life farther than a month or two ahead really takes it’s toll on me and my family.
Stay tuned.
Jesus is coming ... Look Busy.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Nothing Like A $250,000 Cigar!
Did you know that if you, an American citizen or permanent resident of the US, buy a Cuban cigar in some other country, you can be fined up to $250,000 and up to 10 years in prison? Yep, you have now broken a law signed by President Bush in 2004, sponsored by the Dept. Of the Treasury, Office of Foreign Assets control. I bet you didn't hear about this one did you? Of course not. It was signed in some back room in the West Wing. If you don't believe me check out "Cigar Magazine" Spring 2005 edition, page 16, tobacco News. Now, I am not a cigar smoker, but I am an American and it causes me great concern that the government has passed a law without telling anyone that controls what I do legally in another country. Shall we also be arrested for going to Bull Fights in Spain? For sampling the occasional Space Cake while engaging a prostitute in Amsterdam? For drinking absinthe in Romania? Or worse, If you were born in Antigua, came here for work, became a permanent resident and then went home to visit your family, the Govt. Of Bush can throw you in prison for lighting up a $5 Bolivar in you native homeland.
This is serious. They weren't satisfied regulating your life here, now they want to tell the rest of the world what they can and can not do.
Remember, the Republican Party is the party of smaller Govt.
MY ASS.
Have e a nice day.
This is serious. They weren't satisfied regulating your life here, now they want to tell the rest of the world what they can and can not do.
Remember, the Republican Party is the party of smaller Govt.
MY ASS.
Have e a nice day.
Sunday, April 24, 2005
The Glamour of the Biz
The joys of the film biz are never ending. Last minute script re-writes and more last minute buisness crap than you can shake a stick at. So we are waiting for an OK on the final script and then probably a quick trip out to LA next week to sign our lives away. We have also just lost two of our main actors due to schedule conflicts and personal commitments. So now it is also back to the drawing board as far as casting goes. They say the journey is half the fun.
NOT!
Hopefully next week I can start being funny again. These people have sucked the life and the funny right out of me....
NOT!
Hopefully next week I can start being funny again. These people have sucked the life and the funny right out of me....
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
B&B Production Journal Installment #2
Well ... A day early but it looks like we are at 1st and Goal for the movie money. I got a call from "L" this afternoon. She heard from "B" in LA and the money is a go and we should have our bond on the 22nd. Barring another Tsunami or Terrorist attack we should be in Production the first or second week of June. OF course that means that pre-production hell will begin roughly 4 weeks from now. I shouldn't complain. Hell I shouldn't even be talking about any of this because our past track record with regards to raising money pretty much resembles man's first attempts at flight.
Lots of crashing and burning.
Hopefully not this time.
Fingers are crossed and candles are lit.....
Lots of crashing and burning.
Hopefully not this time.
Fingers are crossed and candles are lit.....
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Happy Battle of Appomattox Court House - Day
How many folks out there knew that 140 years ago today Robert E. Lee surrendered to Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox Court House Virginia, which, for all practical purposes ended the War Between the States or The American Civil War as it is commonly called.
Over 600,000 Americans gave their lives (that's on both side folks) fighting for causes they believed in. Over 1.2 million men fought in that war.
For my money, the conflict that began on April 12, 1861 and ended almost 4 years to the day of those first shots being fired on Fort Sumter, are some of the most important in our history as a country. Unfortunately, this stuff isn't taught in the schools anymore. They spend 4 days on the Civil War.
Day 1 - Abraham Lincoln is elected President
Day 2 - The South secedes from the union because they don't want to give up their slaves (is the over simplified or what?)
Day 3 - The Union Wins
Day 4 - Lincoln Frees the slaves and then is shot..... NEXT!
What is most important about the ACW (American Civil War) is that is was the ultimate test. That's right a test. Let me explain,
The American Revolution, everyone would agree is a pretty important event in our history. Let's face it without that when would we shoot off fireworks and eat burgers and dogs. (I kid here .... )
The Declaration of Independence and the Constitution all would agree are pretty important documents. so important that Dolly Madison thought to roll them up and send them out of the Capitol before the British could burn it down.
However ....
Had the South successfully seceded from the Union it all would have been for naught. It had only been 77 years since the Constitution had been ratified by all of the States and 88 years since the signing of the Declaration. This was a brand new country. This conflict was the test of this new experiment called Democracy. Nobody had ever attempted this. It was unknown territory. This was the first major bump in the historical road. If the Union failed, then Democracy failed.
Now, I understand all of the arguments regarding "States Rights" and I agree with some of them. I also believe that the majority of Soldiers who fought for the Confederacy believed they were fighting against Northern Aggression not for the institution of slavery (as most of them neither owned or would ever own slaves).
All of this aside, what this bloody and costly conflict accomplished was solely the unification of this country. The South has never gotten over the loss and the disaster that was "Reconstruction". And while it's nice to think that the war ended Slavery, the reality is that within 20 years the institution of slavery would have been eclipsed by the coming industrial revolution if for no other reason then economic ones. I am not saying that Slavery was not an abomination because it was. But the myth that Abe Lincoln was the great emancipator and that he freed the slaves needs to be put to bed. Again, this is a whole other piece of history.
My point here, despite all this historical drivel that some of you may find interesting, is that our history, yours and mine (If you are an American) is being erased by PC curriculums, poor understanding of history by our teachers and a general lack of interest by most of the population of this country.
Lets face it, Memorial Day is a day for BBQ's, Car Sales and 3 day weekends.
For most people the 4th of July is about fireworks and Beer. The date has no meaning. How many people do you know can name ten of the men who signed the Declaration of Independence?
Veteran's Day comes and goes with little fanfare at all. Presidents day is basically an advertisement for every Motor Company Sale of the year.
Well today, April 9, is about as important a day as any of the ones I mentioned. It is a day that ended a war that took more American lives than all the other wars we have fought put together. It ended a war that split this country to it's core and had brother literally killing brother. It was a war that tested the very fabric of what our founding fathers stood for against King George and his parliament and fought and died to give us.
On this Day 140 years ago, General Grant could have spanked the naughty "Rebels" by arresting and trying their officers as traitors. By imprisoning the entire Army of Northern Virginia (which at the point only had about 15,000 men).
But he didn't.
He gave parole to the entire army and made sure they were all fed and clothed for their long trip back South, Back Home.
He allowed the officers to keep their swords. He refused Robert Lee's sword, He gave them their dignity, He understood that this day, was a day for healing. The union troops were instructed not to jeer or cheer after the surrender. During the surrender, General Joshua Chamberlain saluted the Southern General John B. Gordon out of respect and it is still talked about to this day. They all understood what was at stake. They all understood that this was history.
It is a day that represents the very best of what we as Americans can be. That we are all Americans. Contrary to what some folks on the "right" would like to believe. We are all Americans. Proud Americans, Proud to live in the greatest country on the planet. Proud enough to point out when we think our country and government is going down the wrong path. That is what this day means. These men fought and died to preserve my right to disagree at the top of my lungs with the current administration. It doesn't make me un-American. It makes 100% American.
That's what today means.
God Bless The Union and God Bless America.
Over 600,000 Americans gave their lives (that's on both side folks) fighting for causes they believed in. Over 1.2 million men fought in that war.
For my money, the conflict that began on April 12, 1861 and ended almost 4 years to the day of those first shots being fired on Fort Sumter, are some of the most important in our history as a country. Unfortunately, this stuff isn't taught in the schools anymore. They spend 4 days on the Civil War.
Day 1 - Abraham Lincoln is elected President
Day 2 - The South secedes from the union because they don't want to give up their slaves (is the over simplified or what?)
Day 3 - The Union Wins
Day 4 - Lincoln Frees the slaves and then is shot..... NEXT!
What is most important about the ACW (American Civil War) is that is was the ultimate test. That's right a test. Let me explain,
The American Revolution, everyone would agree is a pretty important event in our history. Let's face it without that when would we shoot off fireworks and eat burgers and dogs. (I kid here .... )
The Declaration of Independence and the Constitution all would agree are pretty important documents. so important that Dolly Madison thought to roll them up and send them out of the Capitol before the British could burn it down.
However ....
Had the South successfully seceded from the Union it all would have been for naught. It had only been 77 years since the Constitution had been ratified by all of the States and 88 years since the signing of the Declaration. This was a brand new country. This conflict was the test of this new experiment called Democracy. Nobody had ever attempted this. It was unknown territory. This was the first major bump in the historical road. If the Union failed, then Democracy failed.
Now, I understand all of the arguments regarding "States Rights" and I agree with some of them. I also believe that the majority of Soldiers who fought for the Confederacy believed they were fighting against Northern Aggression not for the institution of slavery (as most of them neither owned or would ever own slaves).
All of this aside, what this bloody and costly conflict accomplished was solely the unification of this country. The South has never gotten over the loss and the disaster that was "Reconstruction". And while it's nice to think that the war ended Slavery, the reality is that within 20 years the institution of slavery would have been eclipsed by the coming industrial revolution if for no other reason then economic ones. I am not saying that Slavery was not an abomination because it was. But the myth that Abe Lincoln was the great emancipator and that he freed the slaves needs to be put to bed. Again, this is a whole other piece of history.
My point here, despite all this historical drivel that some of you may find interesting, is that our history, yours and mine (If you are an American) is being erased by PC curriculums, poor understanding of history by our teachers and a general lack of interest by most of the population of this country.
Lets face it, Memorial Day is a day for BBQ's, Car Sales and 3 day weekends.
For most people the 4th of July is about fireworks and Beer. The date has no meaning. How many people do you know can name ten of the men who signed the Declaration of Independence?
Veteran's Day comes and goes with little fanfare at all. Presidents day is basically an advertisement for every Motor Company Sale of the year.
Well today, April 9, is about as important a day as any of the ones I mentioned. It is a day that ended a war that took more American lives than all the other wars we have fought put together. It ended a war that split this country to it's core and had brother literally killing brother. It was a war that tested the very fabric of what our founding fathers stood for against King George and his parliament and fought and died to give us.
On this Day 140 years ago, General Grant could have spanked the naughty "Rebels" by arresting and trying their officers as traitors. By imprisoning the entire Army of Northern Virginia (which at the point only had about 15,000 men).
But he didn't.
He gave parole to the entire army and made sure they were all fed and clothed for their long trip back South, Back Home.
He allowed the officers to keep their swords. He refused Robert Lee's sword, He gave them their dignity, He understood that this day, was a day for healing. The union troops were instructed not to jeer or cheer after the surrender. During the surrender, General Joshua Chamberlain saluted the Southern General John B. Gordon out of respect and it is still talked about to this day. They all understood what was at stake. They all understood that this was history.
It is a day that represents the very best of what we as Americans can be. That we are all Americans. Contrary to what some folks on the "right" would like to believe. We are all Americans. Proud Americans, Proud to live in the greatest country on the planet. Proud enough to point out when we think our country and government is going down the wrong path. That is what this day means. These men fought and died to preserve my right to disagree at the top of my lungs with the current administration. It doesn't make me un-American. It makes 100% American.
That's what today means.
God Bless The Union and God Bless America.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Same Planet Different Worlds
Last night I had a rather bizarre experience that I felt needed to be written down. Whether or not you will find it interesting remains to be seen.
For the last 6 months or so, my band (see the Bikini Bottom Link on the side bar) has been like a nomadic tribe looking for an oasis. We have played in a number of rehearsal studios and each one has had it’s own brand of chaos and disaster.
- One was in such disrepair that the gear would literally fall apart around us.
- One was run by a moron who basically accused us of breaking equipment that was already broken when we walked in to the studio (him I nearly put in the hospital)
- The next one was a great studio out in the wilds of Brooklyn, and run by Rastafarians. Everything was great until we showed up two weeks in a row to find the studio locked and no answering machine on the phone. We think they were arrested. (there was quite a lot of Gangja being smoked in the booth)
Which brings us to last night. We met an interesting fellow through a Craig’s List ad who had a studio in Williamsburg Brooklyn. I met the guy. He was a little eccentric, a little nutty but he seemed like a nice enough guy. We talked a bunch and set up a time for the band to go over to the studio and rehearse for a couple of hours. We went over there and did a two hour rehearsal. If went fine. My singer “M” however had some mixed feelings about our “whacky” studio guy which I pretty much disregarded because the guy seemed like a nice enough guy even if he was a bit of a nutter and he wanted to work with us to do a recording. So…
For the last couple of weeks this guys has been calling me to check in to see when we were coming back to record. Finally after the last waste of a trip to the Rastas we decided it was time to go back to Williamsburg and give this guy a shot. So…
Last night we went over to the studio for a rehearsal session which would hopefully be a tune up for recording in the next week or so. Oh and I forgot to mention that during the day, he called me to tell me that if we wanted him to hang around and listen and give us comments he would have to charge us the recording rate instead of the rehearsal rate. I told him we couldn’t afford that right now so it would be cool if he just took off after he got us settled in. Well…
We got to the studio and he decided that he really had nothing else to do so he would hang around (at the rehearsal rate) and help us, but with one stipulation. We give him complete and total control over one song. Put our trust in him and do what he says. Now most folks who know me can pretty well figure out that I don’t do the whole “give up control, your going to tell me what to do” thing very well. But we acquiesced and let him play Zubin Mehta for a while. It only took about ten minutes. He told us what to play and we did it (even though I wasn’t crazy about the changes he was making) and then he told us to stop. Here is where it gets really bizarre.
He slowly walks over to his bed (oh yeah, this studio is in his apartment) and sits down very slowly in the corner. I wish I could remember verbatim the babble and drivel that came out of his mouth at the point. But it went something like this:
“I don’t know what to say …. I am feeling, uh … really bad … uh I don’t want to say mean things ….”
And we said “hey we’re big boys, we can handle it, go ahead. Tell us what you’re thinking.”
Now at this point I’m thinking that he isn’t happy with the way we are playing it and he is trying to come up with a different approach.
Nope. What he says is this (Imagine Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man saying this)
“Uh, I can’t work with you and uh.… you can’t work with me …. Uh you can’t uh play here anymore. You have to leave now…”
We had been there for exactly 8 minutes. As soon as that came out of his mouth I was already packing up my stuff. My bass player was stunned and my singer was amused but I was just ready to leave. Clearly this guy is unhinged and a complete whackadoo and we have had enough people like that involved with us that we don’t need anymore. It reminds me of a quote from the movie “As Good As It Gets” Jack Nicholson says to the Hispanic housekeeper “Go sell crazy someplace else, we’re all full up here”
Well I tried not to burst out laughing at this guy in the studio, so I packed up my sticks and walked outside to the car, where I actually burst into hysterics. So much so that I had trouble putting the key in the back door of the car.
I don’t want to know what was in this guys mind (because I don’t really care) but all of the posturing and posing in the world can’t cover up the fact this guy is off his rocker. In fact he wanted us to leave so quickly that he actually put on James Taylor in the hopes that we would exit in a timely manner. It worked. We couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
I did however learn a valuable lesson last night:
Next time I want someone to leave, just put on a little James Taylor or Gordon Lightfoot.
Kind of makes it all worth while.
For the last 6 months or so, my band (see the Bikini Bottom Link on the side bar) has been like a nomadic tribe looking for an oasis. We have played in a number of rehearsal studios and each one has had it’s own brand of chaos and disaster.
- One was in such disrepair that the gear would literally fall apart around us.
- One was run by a moron who basically accused us of breaking equipment that was already broken when we walked in to the studio (him I nearly put in the hospital)
- The next one was a great studio out in the wilds of Brooklyn, and run by Rastafarians. Everything was great until we showed up two weeks in a row to find the studio locked and no answering machine on the phone. We think they were arrested. (there was quite a lot of Gangja being smoked in the booth)
Which brings us to last night. We met an interesting fellow through a Craig’s List ad who had a studio in Williamsburg Brooklyn. I met the guy. He was a little eccentric, a little nutty but he seemed like a nice enough guy. We talked a bunch and set up a time for the band to go over to the studio and rehearse for a couple of hours. We went over there and did a two hour rehearsal. If went fine. My singer “M” however had some mixed feelings about our “whacky” studio guy which I pretty much disregarded because the guy seemed like a nice enough guy even if he was a bit of a nutter and he wanted to work with us to do a recording. So…
For the last couple of weeks this guys has been calling me to check in to see when we were coming back to record. Finally after the last waste of a trip to the Rastas we decided it was time to go back to Williamsburg and give this guy a shot. So…
Last night we went over to the studio for a rehearsal session which would hopefully be a tune up for recording in the next week or so. Oh and I forgot to mention that during the day, he called me to tell me that if we wanted him to hang around and listen and give us comments he would have to charge us the recording rate instead of the rehearsal rate. I told him we couldn’t afford that right now so it would be cool if he just took off after he got us settled in. Well…
We got to the studio and he decided that he really had nothing else to do so he would hang around (at the rehearsal rate) and help us, but with one stipulation. We give him complete and total control over one song. Put our trust in him and do what he says. Now most folks who know me can pretty well figure out that I don’t do the whole “give up control, your going to tell me what to do” thing very well. But we acquiesced and let him play Zubin Mehta for a while. It only took about ten minutes. He told us what to play and we did it (even though I wasn’t crazy about the changes he was making) and then he told us to stop. Here is where it gets really bizarre.
He slowly walks over to his bed (oh yeah, this studio is in his apartment) and sits down very slowly in the corner. I wish I could remember verbatim the babble and drivel that came out of his mouth at the point. But it went something like this:
“I don’t know what to say …. I am feeling, uh … really bad … uh I don’t want to say mean things ….”
And we said “hey we’re big boys, we can handle it, go ahead. Tell us what you’re thinking.”
Now at this point I’m thinking that he isn’t happy with the way we are playing it and he is trying to come up with a different approach.
Nope. What he says is this (Imagine Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man saying this)
“Uh, I can’t work with you and uh.… you can’t work with me …. Uh you can’t uh play here anymore. You have to leave now…”
We had been there for exactly 8 minutes. As soon as that came out of his mouth I was already packing up my stuff. My bass player was stunned and my singer was amused but I was just ready to leave. Clearly this guy is unhinged and a complete whackadoo and we have had enough people like that involved with us that we don’t need anymore. It reminds me of a quote from the movie “As Good As It Gets” Jack Nicholson says to the Hispanic housekeeper “Go sell crazy someplace else, we’re all full up here”
Well I tried not to burst out laughing at this guy in the studio, so I packed up my sticks and walked outside to the car, where I actually burst into hysterics. So much so that I had trouble putting the key in the back door of the car.
I don’t want to know what was in this guys mind (because I don’t really care) but all of the posturing and posing in the world can’t cover up the fact this guy is off his rocker. In fact he wanted us to leave so quickly that he actually put on James Taylor in the hopes that we would exit in a timely manner. It worked. We couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
I did however learn a valuable lesson last night:
Next time I want someone to leave, just put on a little James Taylor or Gordon Lightfoot.
Kind of makes it all worth while.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Time Warner - Kiss My Ass Goodbye
So, I have my new computer for about a week now. It’s a monster. It’s fast, it has a huge screen for a lap top (17”) and weighs less than 6lbs. So you would think all my problems are solved all is right with the world. Well not so much….
Here in the Big Apple (and that’s all 5 boroughs for those of you who don’t live here) we have a crisis of commerce going on. The two companies that control what we watch on Cable TV are in a death match. Time Warner (Scumbag #1) and Cable Vision (Scumbag #2) have decided that this would be the perfect year to fight over broadcasting the MSG (Madison Square Garden network – They would be carrying the Rangers if there was a hockey season) and FoxSportsNet on which the NY Mets are normally broadcast.
Well, the crushing loss today not withstanding, this is supposed to be the beginning of the New Mets, Pedro Martinez, Carlos Beltran, all the off season hooplah but what do the die hard fans residing in the five boroughs get? BUPKIS!!!! That’s Yiddish for “Fuck all”. While Time Warner and Cablevision continue their dick measuring contest we have missed the entire pre-season and the first game of the season.
I absolutely despise the fact that we are being held hostage by these corporate fuck heads who could give a shit about us. Oh I forgot, Time Warner in it’s benevolence has offered a $2.00 a month refund for all the months without MSG and FoxSportsnet. Ooh boy, what shall I do with this windfall? Invest? Buy my mom a Cadillac? Nope. It only gets me a one way on the subway. The absolute sack on these guys is staggering.
So what to do?
They can all go fuck themselves. Tomorrow I am ordering Direct TV and Verizon DSL and telling Time Warner to take their slow ass cable modem and their pixelated digital signal and stick it straight up there network.
The big plus? I am saving about $20 a month from what I am paying now for TW and RoadRunner (should be called “Dog with no legs Runner”.
I don’t even care if the service is worse or better than TW. At this point it’s the principal of the thing. From what I understand there are tons of TW customers in the 5 Boroughs jumping the TW ship. These corporate rat bastards only understand dollars and the bottom line. If more people shit canned these bums they might get the idea that they can’t screw with us when the whim hits them.
But most people, like sheep, will just sit, collect their $2.00 a months and wait patiently for stations that aren’t coming back anytime.
Not Me….
Here in the Big Apple (and that’s all 5 boroughs for those of you who don’t live here) we have a crisis of commerce going on. The two companies that control what we watch on Cable TV are in a death match. Time Warner (Scumbag #1) and Cable Vision (Scumbag #2) have decided that this would be the perfect year to fight over broadcasting the MSG (Madison Square Garden network – They would be carrying the Rangers if there was a hockey season) and FoxSportsNet on which the NY Mets are normally broadcast.
Well, the crushing loss today not withstanding, this is supposed to be the beginning of the New Mets, Pedro Martinez, Carlos Beltran, all the off season hooplah but what do the die hard fans residing in the five boroughs get? BUPKIS!!!! That’s Yiddish for “Fuck all”. While Time Warner and Cablevision continue their dick measuring contest we have missed the entire pre-season and the first game of the season.
I absolutely despise the fact that we are being held hostage by these corporate fuck heads who could give a shit about us. Oh I forgot, Time Warner in it’s benevolence has offered a $2.00 a month refund for all the months without MSG and FoxSportsnet. Ooh boy, what shall I do with this windfall? Invest? Buy my mom a Cadillac? Nope. It only gets me a one way on the subway. The absolute sack on these guys is staggering.
So what to do?
They can all go fuck themselves. Tomorrow I am ordering Direct TV and Verizon DSL and telling Time Warner to take their slow ass cable modem and their pixelated digital signal and stick it straight up there network.
The big plus? I am saving about $20 a month from what I am paying now for TW and RoadRunner (should be called “Dog with no legs Runner”.
I don’t even care if the service is worse or better than TW. At this point it’s the principal of the thing. From what I understand there are tons of TW customers in the 5 Boroughs jumping the TW ship. These corporate rat bastards only understand dollars and the bottom line. If more people shit canned these bums they might get the idea that they can’t screw with us when the whim hits them.
But most people, like sheep, will just sit, collect their $2.00 a months and wait patiently for stations that aren’t coming back anytime.
Not Me….
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Bow Down before iGod - The God of Technology
How heavily we do we rely on technology?
People always ask this question and everyone shakes their heads, waves their ipods and blackberries in the air and says "A whole lot". But, do we really appreciate the extent to which our lives are tech dependent?
Well last night about midnight, I got my techno-nightmare wake up call. For no reason that I can figure out my computer decided to eat itself. Yep, one minute I was sitting there reading an on line forum, next minute, not a damn thing, My computer had reset itself to the day I bought it in 2002. Every file was gone and my email was not set up. Now contrary to popular belief, I am not terribly skilled when it comes to doing things on a computer other than writing. So needless to say, I pretty much shit myself.
Doing what I do, means that at any given time there are a number of scripts in assorted states of completion as well as project budgets, contact lists and other assorted bits of information that being a filmmaker requires I have at my finger tips. It was all gone and from where I was sitting, it was never coming back.
At the behest of my wife who is a computer programmer, I did back up all of my work files onto disks at the end of January. However the most recent work I did this past weekend (the re-write on our current project) was gone with the wind as it were.
So after not sleeping a whole hell of a lot last night I got in touch with my partner “P” who is a computer guy (more importantly a Mac guy) and together with his buddy who is a Mac specialist, we managed to find the files my computer choose to move somewhere else and avoid the aneurism that was fast approaching. So now I have backed up EVERYTHING on to seperate discs.
I believe this was the warning shot across the bow telling me my overworked and abused iBook is not long for this world. Next time it gets personal . So I am planning on purchasing a new PowerBook in the next day or so.
This whole thing got me thinking. Before our lives were tied to computers and electronics by this all powerful wireless umbilical cord what did we do? Well I have a vague recollection of carrying a notebook with me everywhere. Dating and writing things down that I might need to know later and then storing away those notebooks when they got full. Of course the danger there was that if you lost the notebook all that info was gone. That is what made the computer so appealing. All that info was always in the computer. UNLESS IT GOES AWAY ….
I don’t know if I have a point. I do know that I am going to spend more time backing up my electronic life from now on.
Maybe even buy a new notebook …
A spiral bound one.
People always ask this question and everyone shakes their heads, waves their ipods and blackberries in the air and says "A whole lot". But, do we really appreciate the extent to which our lives are tech dependent?
Well last night about midnight, I got my techno-nightmare wake up call. For no reason that I can figure out my computer decided to eat itself. Yep, one minute I was sitting there reading an on line forum, next minute, not a damn thing, My computer had reset itself to the day I bought it in 2002. Every file was gone and my email was not set up. Now contrary to popular belief, I am not terribly skilled when it comes to doing things on a computer other than writing. So needless to say, I pretty much shit myself.
Doing what I do, means that at any given time there are a number of scripts in assorted states of completion as well as project budgets, contact lists and other assorted bits of information that being a filmmaker requires I have at my finger tips. It was all gone and from where I was sitting, it was never coming back.
At the behest of my wife who is a computer programmer, I did back up all of my work files onto disks at the end of January. However the most recent work I did this past weekend (the re-write on our current project) was gone with the wind as it were.
So after not sleeping a whole hell of a lot last night I got in touch with my partner “P” who is a computer guy (more importantly a Mac guy) and together with his buddy who is a Mac specialist, we managed to find the files my computer choose to move somewhere else and avoid the aneurism that was fast approaching. So now I have backed up EVERYTHING on to seperate discs.
I believe this was the warning shot across the bow telling me my overworked and abused iBook is not long for this world. Next time it gets personal . So I am planning on purchasing a new PowerBook in the next day or so.
This whole thing got me thinking. Before our lives were tied to computers and electronics by this all powerful wireless umbilical cord what did we do? Well I have a vague recollection of carrying a notebook with me everywhere. Dating and writing things down that I might need to know later and then storing away those notebooks when they got full. Of course the danger there was that if you lost the notebook all that info was gone. That is what made the computer so appealing. All that info was always in the computer. UNLESS IT GOES AWAY ….
I don’t know if I have a point. I do know that I am going to spend more time backing up my electronic life from now on.
Maybe even buy a new notebook …
A spiral bound one.
Saturday, March 26, 2005
My Turn To Piss Off a Bunch of People
Let the ranting begin....
How right is right?
I’m not talking about right leaning politics, though they are the main point here. No, what I am talking about here are people (left, right, religious, agnostic, aetheist) who are so sure they are right that they are incapable of seeing any other point of view but there own. So for the moment, let us replace the word “right” with the more appropriate word “Correct”. Right implies that you alone are right and it is your “right’ to inflict your rightness on other people. WRONG!
Well let me tell you something folks. NOBODY IS EVER THAT RIGHT.
As someone who considers himself correct most of the time, it takes a lot for me to admit this.
I have avoided commenting on the current unpleasantness in the news regarding Mrs. Schiavo. This is because my opinion means nothing. NEITHER DOES YOURS (unless you are Michael Schiavo and are reading this in your spare time).
However, there are people out there who are so sure what is right for this unfortunate couple that they are willing to break constitutional law to implement their views. What’s more is they often invoke God just to prove how “CORRECT” they really are.
God said so.
Really?
Well he didn’t mention it to me.
This past week we also had the unbelievably pathetic diagnosis of this poor woman by a Senator/Doctor who is so very talented (Probably touched by the hand of God himself) that he was able to contradict the countless diagnosis’ made by actual neurologists who were in the same room as the patient at the time. How “CORRECT” do you think this guy thinks he is.
Admittedly I believe that the "political right" and "religious right" tend to believe they are more right than most, because God said so. President Bush made a special trip back to DC to poke his big old cowboy nose in the Schiavo matter. Clearly he was very concerned that to let this political opportunity go by would not be what the Lord would want, Clearly his priorities are in the right place. Along with his brother Jeb, they know what’s best. Or do they? What the heck is Jeb doing down there?
A little girl in Florida (Jeb Bush Land) was taken from her home, raped and killed by a low life scum bag sex offender out on parole from a previous sex offense. Why was the breathing pile of shit out of jail. Why wasn’t he castrated the first time he did the same crime. Why was this waste of human excrement out on the street? There is no valid reason you can give me that can answer that question. This sub human should have been put to death before he hit a jail cell. We are so worried about the rights of criminals well you know what? They are in jail because they are criminals. It’s not a hotel, it’s not a gym and it’s not a finishing school to become better criminals. (Well actually in some cases it is). Keep these fuckers in prison for ever. Sex offenders and people who commit crimes against children should be given 2 choices. Incarceration for life with no hope of parole EVER, or death. Either one would be fine with me. Once you have commited this kind of crime you have proven that you can no longer claim membership in society, Of course prison justice being what it is, most abusers of children don’t last very long anyway. Remember that sorry excuse for a priest? He lasted about a month. I bet this skel in Florida doesn’t last a week in general population. Where was Jeb Bush. Why wasn’t he personally involved in this case. Was God too busy to let Jeb in on this one? Or was there not enough political hay to be made from it.
I don’t care what God you pray to. I don’t care if you pray or if you don’t pray. I don’t care if you set yourself on fire in the name of Vishnu or run around the woods naked in praise of the “Goddess”. I don’t care. You know why I don’t care. I don’t care because it’s your religion. Not Mine. I don’t want your religion in my life thank you. I am not interested in hearing “The Good News” or “The Word of God” or why I need to accept Jesus into my life so I can go to heaven. Keep it to yourself.
There were a bunch of smart guys who wrote down some pretty clever rules about 250 years ago. They coverd all kinds of things. They were smart enough to understand that 13 different colonies were never going to agree on issues of religious ideology. It was for this reason, and this reason only that they clearly seperated church and state.
SEPERATION OF CHURCH AND STATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For those of you who are near sighted. Your religion is as unimportant as the color of your shirt. It’s your shirt. If you want to wear a shirt that say “I'm The Fonz” or “Dyno-mite!” on it, it is your right as an American. But you can’t force me to wear that shirt.
So, to recap - weather you are a Jew, Christian, Catholic, Protestant, Methodist, Puritan, Quaker, Shaker, Candlestick Maker, Rasta, Buddhist, Wiccan, Hindu, Voodoo, Lutheran, Amish, Unitarian, Jehovah Witness or Bob Jones' Cousin.
KEEP IT TO YOURSELF! You’re not more right than the next guy and the louder you shout how right your are, the less right the rest of realize you are.
The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the oil, sometimes it gets a punch in the nose.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled amusing musings and observations.
How right is right?
I’m not talking about right leaning politics, though they are the main point here. No, what I am talking about here are people (left, right, religious, agnostic, aetheist) who are so sure they are right that they are incapable of seeing any other point of view but there own. So for the moment, let us replace the word “right” with the more appropriate word “Correct”. Right implies that you alone are right and it is your “right’ to inflict your rightness on other people. WRONG!
Well let me tell you something folks. NOBODY IS EVER THAT RIGHT.
As someone who considers himself correct most of the time, it takes a lot for me to admit this.
I have avoided commenting on the current unpleasantness in the news regarding Mrs. Schiavo. This is because my opinion means nothing. NEITHER DOES YOURS (unless you are Michael Schiavo and are reading this in your spare time).
However, there are people out there who are so sure what is right for this unfortunate couple that they are willing to break constitutional law to implement their views. What’s more is they often invoke God just to prove how “CORRECT” they really are.
God said so.
Really?
Well he didn’t mention it to me.
This past week we also had the unbelievably pathetic diagnosis of this poor woman by a Senator/Doctor who is so very talented (Probably touched by the hand of God himself) that he was able to contradict the countless diagnosis’ made by actual neurologists who were in the same room as the patient at the time. How “CORRECT” do you think this guy thinks he is.
Admittedly I believe that the "political right" and "religious right" tend to believe they are more right than most, because God said so. President Bush made a special trip back to DC to poke his big old cowboy nose in the Schiavo matter. Clearly he was very concerned that to let this political opportunity go by would not be what the Lord would want, Clearly his priorities are in the right place. Along with his brother Jeb, they know what’s best. Or do they? What the heck is Jeb doing down there?
A little girl in Florida (Jeb Bush Land) was taken from her home, raped and killed by a low life scum bag sex offender out on parole from a previous sex offense. Why was the breathing pile of shit out of jail. Why wasn’t he castrated the first time he did the same crime. Why was this waste of human excrement out on the street? There is no valid reason you can give me that can answer that question. This sub human should have been put to death before he hit a jail cell. We are so worried about the rights of criminals well you know what? They are in jail because they are criminals. It’s not a hotel, it’s not a gym and it’s not a finishing school to become better criminals. (Well actually in some cases it is). Keep these fuckers in prison for ever. Sex offenders and people who commit crimes against children should be given 2 choices. Incarceration for life with no hope of parole EVER, or death. Either one would be fine with me. Once you have commited this kind of crime you have proven that you can no longer claim membership in society, Of course prison justice being what it is, most abusers of children don’t last very long anyway. Remember that sorry excuse for a priest? He lasted about a month. I bet this skel in Florida doesn’t last a week in general population. Where was Jeb Bush. Why wasn’t he personally involved in this case. Was God too busy to let Jeb in on this one? Or was there not enough political hay to be made from it.
I don’t care what God you pray to. I don’t care if you pray or if you don’t pray. I don’t care if you set yourself on fire in the name of Vishnu or run around the woods naked in praise of the “Goddess”. I don’t care. You know why I don’t care. I don’t care because it’s your religion. Not Mine. I don’t want your religion in my life thank you. I am not interested in hearing “The Good News” or “The Word of God” or why I need to accept Jesus into my life so I can go to heaven. Keep it to yourself.
There were a bunch of smart guys who wrote down some pretty clever rules about 250 years ago. They coverd all kinds of things. They were smart enough to understand that 13 different colonies were never going to agree on issues of religious ideology. It was for this reason, and this reason only that they clearly seperated church and state.
SEPERATION OF CHURCH AND STATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For those of you who are near sighted. Your religion is as unimportant as the color of your shirt. It’s your shirt. If you want to wear a shirt that say “I'm The Fonz” or “Dyno-mite!” on it, it is your right as an American. But you can’t force me to wear that shirt.
So, to recap - weather you are a Jew, Christian, Catholic, Protestant, Methodist, Puritan, Quaker, Shaker, Candlestick Maker, Rasta, Buddhist, Wiccan, Hindu, Voodoo, Lutheran, Amish, Unitarian, Jehovah Witness or Bob Jones' Cousin.
KEEP IT TO YOURSELF! You’re not more right than the next guy and the louder you shout how right your are, the less right the rest of realize you are.
The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the oil, sometimes it gets a punch in the nose.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled amusing musings and observations.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
When Did Life Get So Complicated Part II
I was reading a blog from my friend Jen http://www.jenthemom.com - “When Did Life Get So Complicated?” She brought up an excellent point about the life choices you begin to make once you decide to have children, Please check it out (and the rest of her blog also). I think the key here is when in life you choose to make the commitment to have kids.
While many of my friends were getting married and having kids right of college I went my own way. This actually led to the ending of many of those friendships. You know the whole married couple w/ kids thing vs non married single friend thing, just doesn’t work. So, while they went off to get married, get real jobs (just like grown ups) and have multiple kids, I spent the next 10+ years living. There is little that I wanted to do that I didn’t at least give a shot.
I was working in the Theatre and Film industry. Playing in a band and basically my life was my own. I usually had a steady girlfriend of some kind. But most of them couldn’t handle the world of freelance employment, I don’t know where my next pay check is coming from (even though it always came).
I worked all over the country and in England.
I have lit the stage at Carnegie Hall (and got a big hug from Goldie Hawn for it – Loved that!) as well as Lincoln Center.
I have gotten trashed with celebrities (big whoop).
I have rode my Harley up and down the Eastern Seaboard.
I played drums in one of the biggest NY Hardcore bands and hated myself for it. I was also offered the drum spot in a famous Hard Rock band but turned it down in favor of NYU Grad School. I was almost a member of one of the most famous Punk Bands of all time, but at the last minute their drummer returned to the band.
I was thrown out of Ithaca College 2x and NYU Grad School (only one time there).
I never thought about kids because I never really wanted them.
When my wife and I got married (almost 9 years ago) the one thing we both agreed upon was that neither of us wanted kids.
YEAH RIGHT.
Once my sister had her first kid my wife’s biological clock went into overdrive. It was at that point our deal changed. I don’t know exactly the moment it changed, but the deal definitely changed, She wanted to have a kid. I didn’t. She won.
The only positive thing was that it took us over a year to get pregnant so I had a lot of time to come to terms with the idea.
Of course now I wouldn’t trade her for anything.
What I have found is that now at 39, I don’t really have a “things I want to do before I die list” because I have pretty much done it. So being at home with my 2 year old Daughter and working out of the house is really all I need (along with a few reasonable hobbies which my wife tolerates and some which she participates in).
I have never given it much thought ( I guess I have take it for granted that I have pretty much always marched to my own drummer, that's probably how I ended up being a director). But the path you choose is almost a blind choice and you hope for the best. I am always impressed and amazed when people are truly happy and content (I mean really happy not just settling) with what I consider to be a very sort of basic suburban life (This describes my whole family, some happy some not.) Spouse, Kids, two week summer vacation .... I grew up with that all around me but pretty much rejected it right out of the gate. I find the fact that now I have a house, a wife and a daughter a very surreal experience. I was always terrified that I would stop being "me". But that didn't happen. I realize it's not the institution, but the which choices you make. The right spouse is the key, It’s not looks, or money or any of that crap. You have to be with someone who doesn’t want you to be anything other than who you are. That never works (this much I know.) Once you have that, everything else falls into place and happens the way it’s supposed to.
While many of my friends were getting married and having kids right of college I went my own way. This actually led to the ending of many of those friendships. You know the whole married couple w/ kids thing vs non married single friend thing, just doesn’t work. So, while they went off to get married, get real jobs (just like grown ups) and have multiple kids, I spent the next 10+ years living. There is little that I wanted to do that I didn’t at least give a shot.
I was working in the Theatre and Film industry. Playing in a band and basically my life was my own. I usually had a steady girlfriend of some kind. But most of them couldn’t handle the world of freelance employment, I don’t know where my next pay check is coming from (even though it always came).
I worked all over the country and in England.
I have lit the stage at Carnegie Hall (and got a big hug from Goldie Hawn for it – Loved that!) as well as Lincoln Center.
I have gotten trashed with celebrities (big whoop).
I have rode my Harley up and down the Eastern Seaboard.
I played drums in one of the biggest NY Hardcore bands and hated myself for it. I was also offered the drum spot in a famous Hard Rock band but turned it down in favor of NYU Grad School. I was almost a member of one of the most famous Punk Bands of all time, but at the last minute their drummer returned to the band.
I was thrown out of Ithaca College 2x and NYU Grad School (only one time there).
I never thought about kids because I never really wanted them.
When my wife and I got married (almost 9 years ago) the one thing we both agreed upon was that neither of us wanted kids.
YEAH RIGHT.
Once my sister had her first kid my wife’s biological clock went into overdrive. It was at that point our deal changed. I don’t know exactly the moment it changed, but the deal definitely changed, She wanted to have a kid. I didn’t. She won.
The only positive thing was that it took us over a year to get pregnant so I had a lot of time to come to terms with the idea.
Of course now I wouldn’t trade her for anything.
What I have found is that now at 39, I don’t really have a “things I want to do before I die list” because I have pretty much done it. So being at home with my 2 year old Daughter and working out of the house is really all I need (along with a few reasonable hobbies which my wife tolerates and some which she participates in).
I have never given it much thought ( I guess I have take it for granted that I have pretty much always marched to my own drummer, that's probably how I ended up being a director). But the path you choose is almost a blind choice and you hope for the best. I am always impressed and amazed when people are truly happy and content (I mean really happy not just settling) with what I consider to be a very sort of basic suburban life (This describes my whole family, some happy some not.) Spouse, Kids, two week summer vacation .... I grew up with that all around me but pretty much rejected it right out of the gate. I find the fact that now I have a house, a wife and a daughter a very surreal experience. I was always terrified that I would stop being "me". But that didn't happen. I realize it's not the institution, but the which choices you make. The right spouse is the key, It’s not looks, or money or any of that crap. You have to be with someone who doesn’t want you to be anything other than who you are. That never works (this much I know.) Once you have that, everything else falls into place and happens the way it’s supposed to.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Rest Stops – Feeding Pens for Sheep.
OK, this is going to sound like a rant but it’s not. It’s just an observation.
This past weekend I made a little jaunt down to Virginia to attend a birthday party for a friend of mine. Now, while the trip from Brooklyn to Northern VA is not a terribly long one (4 hours) it is also not just a spin around the block. So unless you own the Jetsons’ air car you are going to need to stop and get gas at some point. Well luckily, the State has thoughtfully provided for you. Rest Stops are conveniently placed every 15 to 20 miles for just that reason. Ah but there’s more.
Once you have stopped and gotten your gas, it usually seems like a good idea to go inside the rest stop and have a rest stop of your own (you know just in case). However, once you cross that threshold you are entering a world far removed from reality. Logic, reason and intelligence are deposited at the door. This is evidenced by the glazed looks and dull expressions that appear on the faces of the hundreds of thousands of staggering zombies who wander from Cinnabun to Starbucks to Roy Rogers shelling out thousands of dollars for food which back outside in the real world would most likely cause prison riots.
Exhibit #1 – Roy Rogers. The 2nd to last rung on the Fast Food ladder (only slightly less nauseating than White Castle). For a small fortune you can purchase over cooked fried chicken which has been sitting under a heat lamp since Roosevelt was president (That’s Teddy). For the mere price of a small car you can sample the culinary delight that is the Roy Rogers burger selection. A 1/4 pound (or so they say) of the highest quality saw dust with 2 (count em “2”) strips of cardboard painted up to look like bacon, all resting so ever lovingly on a bun which has been trod upon by the Oakland Raiders. If this isn’t gastronomic bliss I don’t know what is. But there’s more…
Exhibit #2 – Cinnabun. Does the world really need a coffee roll that can stop your heart by just looking at it? Don’t get me wrong they are very tasty. That is not where the problem lies. If you take a moment to just watch what goes on over there it becomes painfully clear that the clientele of Cinnabun consists mostly of people who should not be eating Cinnabuns. They should be eating Cinna-Celery or Cinna-Watercress. It was like feeding time at SeaWorld. Shamoo and all his relatives were there for the free eats. Don’t get me wrong, I am no skinny minny and I am working hard to lose weight. Hence I am not eating Cinnabuns. Don’t these people have mirrors in their homes? Aha … it’s the alternative universe that is the rest stop that makes these people crazy. Oh yeah and Cinnabun coffee is vile (no joke there, just a fact). But why buy coffee there when you have Starbucks right across the food court.
Exhibit #3 – Starbucks. I will admit it. I like Starbucks. Yes $4.00 for a large cup of what is basically water and beans is a little outrageous. But it is damn fine coffee. That is not the issue. The issue is, TOO MANY CHOICES FOR BRAIN DEAD CUSTOMERS. Latte, Cafe Au Lait, Venti. The zombies are not capable of making these kind of decisions once they cross into the alternative rest stop universe. Starbucks is to far over the heads of these people. We need to simplify the process here people (notice I didn’t say “dumb it down”). COFFEE or TEA.
Now I don’t want anyone to think that I am making disparaging remarks about everyone who travels and stops at the rest areas, because I am not. Many a long journey have I gave thanks for that shining oasis that is the rest stop. It is a necessary amenity. But so is an out house. It is amazing what people will put up with and accept when they are weary from the road. Now for some people, the services available at the rest stops may be an upgrade from what they are used to. To this I can only say, “How sad”. To everyone else, I have to say “Wake up … move away from the Cinnabun stand, I can hear your arteries clogging from over here. Try some carrots … or perhaps a nice fruit cup..."
This past weekend I made a little jaunt down to Virginia to attend a birthday party for a friend of mine. Now, while the trip from Brooklyn to Northern VA is not a terribly long one (4 hours) it is also not just a spin around the block. So unless you own the Jetsons’ air car you are going to need to stop and get gas at some point. Well luckily, the State has thoughtfully provided for you. Rest Stops are conveniently placed every 15 to 20 miles for just that reason. Ah but there’s more.
Once you have stopped and gotten your gas, it usually seems like a good idea to go inside the rest stop and have a rest stop of your own (you know just in case). However, once you cross that threshold you are entering a world far removed from reality. Logic, reason and intelligence are deposited at the door. This is evidenced by the glazed looks and dull expressions that appear on the faces of the hundreds of thousands of staggering zombies who wander from Cinnabun to Starbucks to Roy Rogers shelling out thousands of dollars for food which back outside in the real world would most likely cause prison riots.
Exhibit #1 – Roy Rogers. The 2nd to last rung on the Fast Food ladder (only slightly less nauseating than White Castle). For a small fortune you can purchase over cooked fried chicken which has been sitting under a heat lamp since Roosevelt was president (That’s Teddy). For the mere price of a small car you can sample the culinary delight that is the Roy Rogers burger selection. A 1/4 pound (or so they say) of the highest quality saw dust with 2 (count em “2”) strips of cardboard painted up to look like bacon, all resting so ever lovingly on a bun which has been trod upon by the Oakland Raiders. If this isn’t gastronomic bliss I don’t know what is. But there’s more…
Exhibit #2 – Cinnabun. Does the world really need a coffee roll that can stop your heart by just looking at it? Don’t get me wrong they are very tasty. That is not where the problem lies. If you take a moment to just watch what goes on over there it becomes painfully clear that the clientele of Cinnabun consists mostly of people who should not be eating Cinnabuns. They should be eating Cinna-Celery or Cinna-Watercress. It was like feeding time at SeaWorld. Shamoo and all his relatives were there for the free eats. Don’t get me wrong, I am no skinny minny and I am working hard to lose weight. Hence I am not eating Cinnabuns. Don’t these people have mirrors in their homes? Aha … it’s the alternative universe that is the rest stop that makes these people crazy. Oh yeah and Cinnabun coffee is vile (no joke there, just a fact). But why buy coffee there when you have Starbucks right across the food court.
Exhibit #3 – Starbucks. I will admit it. I like Starbucks. Yes $4.00 for a large cup of what is basically water and beans is a little outrageous. But it is damn fine coffee. That is not the issue. The issue is, TOO MANY CHOICES FOR BRAIN DEAD CUSTOMERS. Latte, Cafe Au Lait, Venti. The zombies are not capable of making these kind of decisions once they cross into the alternative rest stop universe. Starbucks is to far over the heads of these people. We need to simplify the process here people (notice I didn’t say “dumb it down”). COFFEE or TEA.
Now I don’t want anyone to think that I am making disparaging remarks about everyone who travels and stops at the rest areas, because I am not. Many a long journey have I gave thanks for that shining oasis that is the rest stop. It is a necessary amenity. But so is an out house. It is amazing what people will put up with and accept when they are weary from the road. Now for some people, the services available at the rest stops may be an upgrade from what they are used to. To this I can only say, “How sad”. To everyone else, I have to say “Wake up … move away from the Cinnabun stand, I can hear your arteries clogging from over here. Try some carrots … or perhaps a nice fruit cup..."
Thursday, March 17, 2005
St. Paddy's Day - Oh How the mighty have fallen
As I sit here with the latest round of flu like symptoms (contracted from my two year old daughter, AGAIN) I have had a moment to look back and reflect on 20+ years of St. Paddy’s Day’s Festivities. Having not actually been born Irish has never stopped me from participating in the holiday with the fervor of a loyal son of Erin. A little History first….
Both of my college roommates were Irish. One was actually born there and the other was not. Both were proud Irishman and between the three of us we were probably the three poorest students on that particular upstate NY college campus. However, we never let a lack of money get in the way of the one day (and I mean 24 hours) where we were all proud to be Irish. We would start planning how we would pay for this day long binge well in advance. Needless to say, we NEVER ran out of libations on St. Paddy’s Day. That just would have been bad form.
At midnight, as the 16th turned into the 17th we would tap the ceremonial Green Keg of Pabst (I didn’t say we had a lot of money). There was usually some pomp and circumstance (along with really bad Irish accents) as we toasted ourselves, our friends present and absent as well as friends of friends, cousins, TV repairmen, The Pope, Walt Disney, Columbo, Moe Larry, Curly and Shemp. Thus would begin a continuous flow of beer that would last until Midnight (actually 1 am when the bars up there closed) of the 18th. At which point the hurling/blowing chunks/puking would commence. All for the cause!
I pretty much carried this tradition with me into my after college life (minus the throwing up, as much as I could avoid it). As I got older, the starting time would get a little later and the ending time would get a little earlier. Last year, We started around 3pm and called it a night around 11:30pm. Still a hefty chunk of time, but the drinking was much slower and the conversation much more adult.
So here I sit now, having not consumed a single beer, in fact I didn’t even leave the house today due to my infectious state. There is part of me that misses the olds days, It’s not the drinking though. It’s the camaraderie that we shared. Point of fact, those days ended a long time ago. But, to all my friends, comrades, buddies and pals….
Erin Go Bragh…. SLAINTE!
Both of my college roommates were Irish. One was actually born there and the other was not. Both were proud Irishman and between the three of us we were probably the three poorest students on that particular upstate NY college campus. However, we never let a lack of money get in the way of the one day (and I mean 24 hours) where we were all proud to be Irish. We would start planning how we would pay for this day long binge well in advance. Needless to say, we NEVER ran out of libations on St. Paddy’s Day. That just would have been bad form.
At midnight, as the 16th turned into the 17th we would tap the ceremonial Green Keg of Pabst (I didn’t say we had a lot of money). There was usually some pomp and circumstance (along with really bad Irish accents) as we toasted ourselves, our friends present and absent as well as friends of friends, cousins, TV repairmen, The Pope, Walt Disney, Columbo, Moe Larry, Curly and Shemp. Thus would begin a continuous flow of beer that would last until Midnight (actually 1 am when the bars up there closed) of the 18th. At which point the hurling/blowing chunks/puking would commence. All for the cause!
I pretty much carried this tradition with me into my after college life (minus the throwing up, as much as I could avoid it). As I got older, the starting time would get a little later and the ending time would get a little earlier. Last year, We started around 3pm and called it a night around 11:30pm. Still a hefty chunk of time, but the drinking was much slower and the conversation much more adult.
So here I sit now, having not consumed a single beer, in fact I didn’t even leave the house today due to my infectious state. There is part of me that misses the olds days, It’s not the drinking though. It’s the camaraderie that we shared. Point of fact, those days ended a long time ago. But, to all my friends, comrades, buddies and pals….
Erin Go Bragh…. SLAINTE!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)