Finally, a poll worth taking

This reminded me of that old Saturday Night Live skecth about the Justice League. Margot Kidder was the host that night.
Margot Kidder .... Lois Lane
Dan Aykroyd .... The Flash
John Belushi .... The Incredible Hulk
Jane Curtin .... Lana
Garrett Morris .... Antman
Bill Murray .... Superman
Laraine Newman .... Cookie
Gilda Radner .... Beverly

It was the one of the funniest sketches ever. Complete with Bill Murray showing up half dressed as Clark Kent / Superman and John Belushi taking a massive "Hulkian Dump" in the bathroom and stinking out the joint. But for me the funniest part of the sketch was when Garret Morris who was "Ant Man" was asked what his special power was and he said he could shrink down to the size of an ant and stil have the powers of a mortal man. The rest of the super heros start mocking him, "Hey Hulk, get this, Ant man shrinks down to the size of an ant and has "powers of a mortal man" ... It was very funny.

Anyway, I guess I'm kind of glad that I'm not Ant Man. I already have powers of a mortal man. And who wants to be the size of an ant.

Your results:
You are Iron Man

Iron Man 90% Green Lantern 80% Spider-Man 65% Superman 60% Supergirl 60% Wonder Woman 60% Catwoman 60% Robin 50% Batman 50% Hulk 50% The Flash 35%

Inventor. Businessman. Genius.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

So Many Pods, not enough Socks Filled With Manure

So, I spent the last two weeks down in Virginia doing various film things (casting, location scouting, crew meetings etc.). For the most part things went very well.
However...
As with all things in this business the pods inevitably raise their leechy pod-like heads. We had roughly 15 or 16 people scheduled to come in to read. There is always an attrition rate at auditions of about 35%, it's to be expected. While it bothers me that with the small amount of jobs out there that pay, actors would try their damnedest to show up to an audition. Maybe it's just me but that shows a real lack of desire. But hey, it's just me.

Anyway...

We had a woman scheduled to come in to read for the only principle female part in the movie. Now keep in mind, she answered OUR ad. We didn''t contact her. She contacted us. When my Production Manager called to give her the details for the auditions, the only contact number we had for this woman was her "Agency". There is a misconception out there amongst less experienced actors (mostly those outside of the NYC / LA area). They think that if they have an "agent" it will make them look more important and we will take them more seriously. That's never the case. For starters we hate dealing with agents. They make it impossible for their clients to work because of unrealistic demands and their blood money (so if it's low budget they don't get their pound of pod flesh). However, it is even worse when the agent is a fly by night no name pod agency that charges the actors money to represent them. These are pods of the lowest order. However the agency we dealt with if you can call it that was even lower. When my Prod. Mgr. called to set up the audition it was like dealing with a half wit. We are pretty sure it was the actresses home number and it was her mom or someone answering the phone. I have never called and agency and had the person answering the phone just say "Hello" without saying the name of the agency. When you call CAA or ICM or William Morris you know it as soon as they pick up the phone. We called this place and the conversation went something like this:

Pod Agency/Mom/Actress: Hello

My Prod. Mgr: Is this _____Talent Agency

Pod Agency/Mom: Uh,,,, Hold on ,,,,

Wait, wait, wait, (translation - 'Hey Mom make believe you're _____ Talent Agency".

MOM: Uh This is _____ Talent agency can I help you?

My Prod. Mgr: Yes, (Actress name here) was supposed to be here two hours ago and we are waiting on her, This is a courtesy call as we are going to pack up and leave.

MOM: Um well she was told to be there between 2- 5pm. It's only 4:00pm

My PRod. Mgr.: Actually no, she was told to be here at 2pm and be prepared to stay for a while probably until 5pm because we were going to mix and match the different roles.

MOM: (uncomfortable silence) Umm, I will call (Actress Name here) and see where she is ....

My PRod. Mgr. : Thanks, please call me back and let me know where she is, I have 5 actors sitting here waiting on her,

Needless to say, we don't hear back from her. So by this point I am fed up with the Podness that is happening here. I call back the Pod Agency.

Pod MOM: Hello

Me: Is this ____ Talent Agency?

Pod Agency/Mom: Uh,,,, Hold on ,,,,

Wait, wait, wait, (translation - 'Hey Mom make believe you're _____ Talent Agency".

MOM: Uh This is _____ Talent agency can I help you?

Me: Yes, I am sitting at an audition waiting for one of your actors to show up. I have 5 actors waiting on her and she was supposed to be here at 2 it is now 4:30. This is no way to do business.

MOM: Well she was told to be there between 2 & 5

Me: (6 hours into auditions and at the end of my tether). BULLSHIT! I know what she was told. She was told the same thing as everyone else who showed up on time, Do you think we made special arrangements for her. NO NO NO NO we didn't. She isn't here and you are full of shit. This is no way to do business and clearly a rinky dinky jerk water agency in the middle of bumfuck Pennsylvania can't even manage to get their "Talent" here on time. I am going to make sure that everyone I know, knows who you are and will never hire another client of yours again.

Now while I am spouting all of this and more, she is trying to talk over me. It was hysterical. The more she tried to bullshit me I just kept talking over her. I was having a good time and letting go of some well earned stress, I hung up on her. Of course the actress never showed up anyway, She called at 5:30pm to apologize. My Prod. Mgr told her she would see if I would allow her to come in the next day for the call backs. I said yes, just so I could get a look at this woman. Wouldn't you know it, she didn't show up on Thursday either,

Woody Allen once quoted WC Fields who said the leaders of the world should gather in a stadium and beat each other up with socks filled with manure. I really wish I had on that day....

Hollywood Reporter - 1001 and one uses

Every industry has it's leeches, scumbags, blood-suckers, hanger's on, creeps, misfits and malcontents. Take the film industry for instance. There are two sides to this multi billion dollar industry. There is the side that houses the talent. Be it writers, directors, actors or crafts people. These are the people who create. They give a little piece of themselves to every production they work on. Paid or unpaid, rich or poor. Creative people are the juice that makes the movie industry go.

Then you have the "other side". Agents, Managers, paparazzi, public relations people, ad people, magazines all who make a buck on the sweat of others. You would think they would be a little more appreciative of the pound of flesh they dine on every night. But of course they are not. That is because they are not human beings. They are parasites. Pilot fish hitching a free ride on the underbelly of artists. They are for lack of a better word, "Pods".

I just got off the phone with two such pods.

My current film project which is in pre-production right now is set to shoot in Aug. As I always do I like to put an announcement in Hollywood Distorter ( mean Reporter) for two reasons. Firstly, it often brings potential contacts of people who want to be involved with the production who we might not have heard from otherwise and secondly and certainly the more frivolous reason, you need HR for the IMDB to list your movie. The call it an official listing. While I am already on IMDB some of my crew is not and for folks in the industry having an imdb listing is like their coming out party. Sad but true. The IMDB has replaced all other sources for legitimizing ones career in the movie business.... However, I digress.

So, having done this before I know the drill full well. You must have your paperwork in by Thursday to be published the following Tuesday, which I did (I had it in Monday night just to make sure). When Tuesday rolled around, there was no listing of the movie. So I called up HR and asked them what happened. Well it seemed the rocket scientist who's job it is to input them couldn't print the jpeg files I sent her. So instead of using the contact number on the form and in the email to call me and ask me to send her the form in a pdf file, what did this cranially challenged person do?

2 guesses....

Wrong ....

Wrong....

She did nothing. If she worked for me I would have fired her on the spot. But clearly HR has a less stringent performance standard than me.

So I re-send the files as pdf files and this female version of Rainman assures me she will put it in right away and it will be updated.

If you have read this far then you will probably be able to figure out what happened next.

Nothing.

So I called today to find out what happened. I spoke to another "Pod" this one dimmer than the last one. When confronted with the facts, her well thought out answer to why my production listing wasn't posted was, as far as I am concerned, indicative of every flunky, non hacker dim witted foob on this god foresaken planet.

Ready?

"SHE DIDN'T GET TO IT".

Yup that was her answer. It's not like I asked her to clean my garage or pick up my dry cleaning. She has one job. Input production listings. Listings that are in by a certain day and time. Mine was. She didn't get to it. If she worked for me I would have fired her on the spot ... Again.

She didn't get to it. Then this nitwit makes it sound like it was my fault. Well needles to say I was less than thrilled. She validated her response by saying that the listings on Hollywood reporter are free and that they don't have to post them. I reminded her that she wouldn't have a job without the listings so unless she fancies inspecting underwear in some assembly line for 4.50 and hour, I would treat the people who keep her employed with a little more respect. Of course that fell on deaf ears as these people don't respect anyone. These people are dermatophytes (that's a fungus that lives underneath your toenails). They are the stuff that overtime collects underneath your BBQ grill that you need to scrape away with some kind of bizarre gardening trowel.

For hundreds of years non artistic people have been making a living off of the creativity of others. We have finally raised it to the level of art. Lets make it official:
HOLLYWOOD DERMATOPHYTE: A fungus that gets under the creative toe nail and feeds on the artistic cuticles of others.
I think I am going to send this to Wikipedia.

That's if a I get to it.

The Madness of Snow and Canned Meats

You ever notice that the moment a snowflake falls from the sky, people lose their minds?

You would think they just got a bulletin over the radio "Aliens coming, you must stock up on Dinty Moore..."

They rush to the supemarket and buy more canned goods, milk and water than any one family could possibly consume in a month.

Snow happens people. It happens every year. Sometimes more, sometimes less but it always shows up some time between November and March. So why the big to do? Not too mention the fact that it goes away just as quickly, (assuming you live a reasonable distance from the equator) The Arctcic Circle not withstanding. So they rush around like headless chickens, preparing for this foreign matter that is falling from the sky. And how do they do this?

In a CAR ...

A heavy steel machine that quite often has a mind of its own. Even more so when the roads turn to freezing white sheets of slippery glass. This is just the time you want panicky people driving like mad to snatch up the last cans of SPAM and Hormel Chili that the Stop and Shop has on it's shelf. What a sad eulogy it would be if you wrapped you car around a tree on the way to make this all important culinary purchase ...

"Here lies Gern Blansten, he loved canned meats ...."

But it's never that simple. Because they never go alone. They want to take a couple of us with them. So they blow through red lights instead of trying to stop. Or worse they try to stop, but when you are going 50mph in a 12mph zone and you jam on the brakes with snow on the ground, the car does the exact opposite of what you intended. It speeds up. Fancy that.... Better to stay home, lock the doors and wait for the Spring ....

... Of course then you have the rainy season. Umbrella anyone? ....

I'm Talking to you Dummy.

Random Thoughts In The Wee Hours

I just finished watching the movie "Dummy" with Adrien Brody and Milla Jojovich. It was cute and amusing. I will not put on my filmmaker hat for this one. I will address this as regular person who knows very little about film.
Ventriloquists. What is up with them. Think about this for a second. You take a guy (or a gal, but lets say guy for the sake of argument), you take a guy, sit a block of wood on his lap and he basically talks to himself.

Now, (stay with me here, this is where it gets good) if this same person had, say a watermelon on his lap or perhaps a gravy boat, and started talking to it (and then making it talk back) you could assume with a modicum of accuracy that this person is a whack job and should be in a nice padded room where he can't do any harm to himself or the fine china. Swap out said gravy boat for a a block of wood with a mouth and we pay him to entertain small humans and old people.

Now here is the other interesting thing. I think ventriloquists tend to entertain the elderly and the very young for one simple reason. Neither of them can really run away. They are pretty much stuck there. No hope of escape. And you notice that niether the elderly nor the extremely young ever call up the local ventriloquist union hall (or wherever it is they congregate) and say "Hey, we need Mr. Phips and Sparky over here right away!" No, it's always some 36 year old activities director or a parent in their late twenties. Not to mention the fact that as soon as the Ventriloquist shows up, said Activities Director and Parents make a bee-line for the break room or the back deck (respectively). They don't actually hang around to watch the psychopathic behavior taking place in the common room/TV room. But there's more. While the psychopath talks to himself, inevitably a child will begin to cry hysterically (not because she is scared, but because of the sheer pity she feels for this poor soul talking to a potential hat stand or salad spoon). And then ultimately an elerly person will wet themselves. No reason, the elderly just do that.

So tell me. What is the fascination? I mean, you know the dummy isn't alive. You know it's not talking. So basically you are sitting there watching this guy (usually in a bad suit and bow tie) making jokes and laughing at them. All I can think of is the awful ventriloquist in "Broadway Danny Rose". Barney Dunn. And as Woody says, "When they can't get an animal act they call Barney". At least Barney Dunn was funny, because he stuttered (perhaps that's cruel) but hey, show biz is brutal. Really it's enough already with the ventriloquists.

Now, let's talk about Mimes....

RE-POST: Happy Battle of Appomattox Court House - Day

How many folks out there knew that 141 years ago today Robert E. Lee surrendered to Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox Court House Virginia, which, for all practical purposes ended the War Between the States or The American Civil War as it is commonly called.
Over 600,000 Americans gave their lives (that's on both side folks) fighting for causes they believed in. Over 1.2 million men fought in that war.
For my money, the conflict that began on April 12, 1861 and ended almost 4 years to the day of those first shots being fired on Fort Sumter, are some of the most important in our history as a country. Unfortunately, this stuff isn't taught in the schools anymore. They spend 4 days on the Civil War.

Day 1 - Abraham Lincoln is elected President
Day 2 - The South secedes from the union because they don't want to give up their slaves (is the over simplified or what?)
Day 3 - The Union Wins
Day 4 - Lincoln Frees the slaves and then is shot..... NEXT!

What is most important about the ACW (American Civil War) is that is was the ultimate test. That's right a test. Let me explain,

The American Revolution, everyone would agree is a pretty important event in our history. Let's face it without that when would we shoot off fireworks and eat burgers and dogs. (I kid here .... )
The Declaration of Independence and the Constitution all would agree are pretty important documents. so important that Dolly Madison thought to roll them up and send them out of the Capitol before the British could burn it down.

However ....

Had the South successfully seceded from the Union it all would have been for naught. It had only been 77 years since the Constitution had been ratified by all of the States and 88 years since the signing of the Declaration. This was a brand new country. This conflict was the test of this new experiment called Democracy. Nobody had ever attempted this. It was unknown territory. This was the first major bump in the historical road. If the Union failed, then Democracy failed.

Now, I understand all of the arguments regarding "States Rights" and I agree with some of them. I also believe that the majority of Soldiers who fought for the Confederacy believed they were fighting against Northern Aggression not for the institution of slavery (as most of them neither owned or would ever own slaves).

All of this aside, what this bloody and costly conflict accomplished was solely the unification of this country. The South has never gotten over the loss and the disaster that was "Reconstruction". And while it's nice to think that the war ended Slavery, the reality is that within 20 years the institution of slavery would have been eclipsed by the coming industrial revolution if for no other reason then economic ones. I am not saying that Slavery was not an abomination because it was. But the myth that Abe Lincoln was the great emancipator and that he freed the slaves needs to be put to bed. Again, this is a whole other piece of history.

My point here, despite all this historical drivel that some of you may find interesting, is that our history, yours and mine (If you are an American) is being erased by PC curriculums, poor understanding of history by our teachers and a general lack of interest by most of the population of this country.

Lets face it, Memorial Day is a day for BBQ's, Car Sales and 3 day weekends.

For most people the 4th of July is about fireworks and Beer. The date has no meaning. How many people do you know can name ten of the men who signed the Declaration of Independence?

Veteran's Day comes and goes with little fanfare at all. Presidents day is basically an advertisement for every Motor Company Sale of the year.

Well today, April 9, is about as important a day as any of the ones I mentioned. It is a day that ended a war that took more American lives than all the other wars we have fought put together. It ended a war that split this country to it's core and had brother literally killing brother. It was a war that tested the very fabric of what our founding fathers stood for against King George and his parliament and fought and died to give us.

On this Day 141 years ago, April 9, 1865 General Grant could have spanked the naughty "Rebels" by arresting and trying their officers as traitors. By imprisoning the entire Army of Northern Virginia (which at the point only had about 15,000 men).

But he didn't.

He gave parole to the entire army and made sure they were all fed and clothed for their long trip back South, Back Home.
He allowed the officers to keep their swords. He refused Robert Lee's sword, He gave them their dignity, He understood that this day, was a day for healing. The union troops were instructed not to jeer or cheer after the surrender. During the surrender, General Joshua Chamberlain saluted the Southern General John B. Gordon out of respect and it is still talked about to this day. They all understood what was at stake. They all understood that this was history.

It is a day that represents the very best of what we as Americans can be. That we are all Americans. Contrary to what some folks on the "right" would like to believe. We are all Americans. Proud Americans, Proud to live in the greatest country on the planet. Proud enough to point out when we think our country and government is going down the wrong path. That is what this day means. These men fought and died to preserve my right to disagree at the top of my lungs with the current administration. It doesn't make me un-American. It makes 100% American.
That's what today means.
God Bless The Union and God Bless America.

We're Born Again, There's New Grass On The Field

Opening Day.
All the sins of last season are washed away.
New opportunities for greatness shine like a freshly chalked first base line.
Pedro's toe, Delgado's shoulder and Beltran's bat.
Opening day at Shea stadium is like being born again. Every Met fan has the September mantra burned into thier souls. Maybe next year...
Well this is next year. This is the year we have been waiting for since Oct. 1986.
This is the team.
This is the year.
Opening Day 2006.

"Got a beat-up glove, a homemade bat, and brand-new pair of shoes
You know I think it's time to give this game a ride
Just to hit the ball and touch 'em all - a moment in the sun
It's gone and you can tell that one goodbye"

Play Ball.

SONS OF BITCHES AND THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT

SONS OF BITCHES AND THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT
3 Episodes and they caved. "The Book of Daniel" is no more.
NBC should change their name to the "Jellyfish Channel". What happened to freedom of speech? What happened to creative freedom? I'll tell you what happened. These are just words that mean nothing unless the bible thumping, witch burning, gay bashing, jew hating, liberal loathing white rednecks all over this country say it doesn't offend them. Well you know what?
YOU CAN ALL GO FUCK YOURSELVES.
Yes I liked "The Book of Daniel". I thought it was a well written, intelligent and thought provoking show. Clearly these are all things that the the religious right doesn't like or understand. These people are so frightened of ideas not there own that they must shout all other thoughts down. So we burn witches, beat up homosexauls, burn down synagogues and keep women from voting or working. It definitely explains how President Pin head got elected (well stole) a second election.

Fear of new ideas is an epidemic below the mason dixon line as well as the "fly over states". READ A BOOK YOU MORONS (besides the bible). Oh I forgot, you have burned anything worth reading.

These are the same mental midgets who believe that "Intelligent Design" is a scientific theory. Well they do have a handful of Scientists who back that up. Of course they are good christians also so they will go directly to hell if they dissent.

You fuckers have co-opted my country and I am getting tired of it. Your time is coming. Your president has screwed up this country and world for the last 5 years and the backlash that is coming is going to suck the black velvet Jesus paintings right off your walls like an Atlantic City Hooker at closing time. You're not Americans. You're biggots, racists, homophobes, neophobes and any other phobe I can think of. Fear is way of life for you. Fear of strangers, fear of change fear of things you don't understand (which is just about everyhthing that has happened after 1776.) This country wasn't made for you. You just think it is. It's easy for our dim-witted president to shut out the rest of the world, but the world is watching, The USA has become a laughing stock in the international community and I am tired of it.

And NBC, I am finished with you also. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. ASHAMED. Ask yourself why people with intelligence watch more pay TV than Network. I am sure you will just fill the void with another reality show. Perhaps the religious right would approve of Jesus TV. ALL JESUS, All the Time.

NBC = National Bitch (of the Religious Right) Company.

Spin Bob Spin

Never under estimate the truly clueless...
There I am sitting on the subway, heading back to Brooklyn after a very satisfying evening watching my Rangers beat Toronto. I am sitting there minding my own business when who should step onto the train but Bob Marley. OK it wasn't Bob Marley, hell it wasn't even Jacob Marley though a dead man would have been more talented. Two hundred dollar leather shoes, three hundred dollar (at least) 3/4 length P-Coat, Exquisitely manicured corn rows that fell gingerly down around his shoulders and a better than decent acoustic guitar with the appropriate hundred and fifty dollar gig bag. The man could not play a lick. Why is it that people who can't play or sing choose to defame Bob Marley. What did Bob ever do to them? "Redemption Song" becomes "Revulsion Song" and then he wants me to give him money for it. The guy's dressed better than me for Christ's sake. If the guy really feels the need to express himself (poorly) then why doesn't he sing a Madonna song or better yet, Mariah Carey. Bob certainly doesn't deserve this kind of treatment and I am sure he is spinning like a whirlpool dishwasher in his grave.

Speaking of Bob's, how many times do I have to hear "Knocking on Heaven's Door" butchered but by some rich white kid from Westchester who is spending the day slumming in his ghetto gear and pre-treated dread locks who couldn't carry a tune if it had a handle on it yet they think they are channeling Bob Dylan, who by the way isn't dead though based on his association with "Cold Mountain" and the subsequent video you might wish he was. (was that the longest run on sentence in history or what).

It reminds me of those High School parties where inevitably somebody would produce a guitar and every guy in the room would take a turn trying to get through bad renditions of "Horse with No Name", "Stairway to Heaven" and "Freebird". Everything is great, the girls hang around and sing the guys are feeling really cool until the guy who really knows how to play shows up and screws up everything. Then it's time for the hacks to go back into the kitchen and the backyard in order to find that one girl who is drunk enough to think that getting naked with them is a good idea but not so drunk that they throw up on the wanna be Neil Youngs/Gordon Lightfoots or accuse them of heinous things the next morning.

But Buskers in the subway are the worst. They always pick some song that they have no chance in hell of being able to preform well, yet, there they are. It's kind of like "Idol America" that way, with the edition of the pungent aroma of urine and subway grime. A joy for one and all to behold. Now isn't that kind of entertainment worth a quarter.

The Grass is always greener on somebody else's blog

OK, so LiveJournal was really no better than Blogger and much more difficult to deal with, so I am back on Blogger. I will transfer some of the more interesting things from over there here just to keep things tidy.

There are some interesting things on the horizon. Another film project perhaps .... Mum's the word for now.

"AQT" is just about done. I will be listening to the final sound mix next Thursday and I am told the color correction is just about done also.

I have one other little tidbit happening which I am hesitant to mention as that is always the death knell for everything I do, but, there is a chance, that you may be able to read my ramblings at a bookstore near you in the coming future ... more than that I cannot say....

Moving to a New and Happy Place

I have had it with blogger. Had it.
SO
This is where you can now find my ranting and raving.

If you are interested.

http://fieldingmellish.livejournal.com/

Come play.

Idol America

Tonight for the first time I watched “American Idol”. I have avoided it (and the rest of the reality TV universe) with extreme prejudice for quite some time. Unfortunately tonight was a perfect storm. There was very little else on the tube (see the March 14th blog on Network TV) and I needed to get some writing done so I left Fox on after Seinfeld ended. So on comes “Idol America” excuse me, I mean “American Idol”. I couldn’t be bothered to turn the channel so I let it play.

I have one question and one question only.

Do these people have no shame?
Clearly the answer is no,

Now I am not comparing them to the Jerry Springer crowd (though there is clearly some cross over). These people are worse than horrible. I hade to mute the TV for a number of these freaks. It’s one thing to get up at a Karaoke bar when you are polluted on margaritas and belt out “Lady Marmaleide” but it is something completely different to do it on National TV and then get angry when Simon tell you that you sing like crap and should get out of the business.

Everybody rags on Simon for being a prick, well you know what? The man is right on the money. These people suck and the music business just like the film business doesn’t cut anyone slack. He is just doing what any record company A&R exec would do. He’s just doing it on TV.

The funny thing is, the worse these people are, the more outraged they are when they don’t’ make the cut. They blame the judges. “The judges don’t know what they are talking about.” “The judges don’t know talent when they see it.” The trouble is they are not seeing it. There was one freak on tonight who was so sure he was going to win the whole thing that when he came in to sing he boasted how he can sing on 3 different levels. He was so bad you couldn’t even say he sang poorly, because that would do an injustice to people who sing poorly. They actually gave him a second chance (which I didn’t understand, other than it made for good TV) and when he came back he actually sang the bawdy Frat song from “Trading Places” of course none of the judges knew that (it just shows how poorly they are schooled on pop culture) and he did it so poorly that it was embarrassing. When he walked out of the room the second time he still didn’t get the fact that he really should never be allowed to sing anywhere at anytime ever again.

My assumption is that at the end of this blight on Network TV they actually pick somebody who has what the marshmallow fluff pop music industry is trying to shove down the public gullet. But at what cost? Thousands of people with no talent line up for days to audition for something they have no shot at getting and this is considered “Must See TV”. It’s almost more embarrassing for the folks who invest so much in this show and who they are going to “vote” for. All of these folks need to get a life.

Or a Karaoke machine….

The Book of Daniel - At least for now...

Did anyone watch the inaugural episode of "The Book of Daniel"? Well I did.
I liked it. Really liked it. Which of course means it won't last five episodes.
And why won't it last five episodes you ask?
Well there are a number of reasons.
1. It is well written.
2. It has a great cast (really really top quality)
3. It is funny yet serious.
4. The humor is intelligent and requires a little effort.
5. It co-stars Jesus, an adulterous bishop and a vicodin popping priest who has a gay son, a dope dealing daughter, an alcoholic wife (who has a lesbian sister) and an over-sexed adopted son of Asian descent.

All the makings for a TV show with a conservative bullseye on it's back. There hasn't been a show with this kind of quality character development and risk taking story line since "Soap" (which by the way had the 1st primetime gay character, faithfully portrayed by Billy Crystal).

This past Monday night I am sure there were conservative heads exploding all over this country.
I can hear them popping ...
At least for the next couple of weeks ....

And a happy new year to all.

I realize I have been away awhile and I am sure there is no one reading this blog anymore, but as I really only write for myself anyway I shall continue to waste people's time with my observations.

Observation #1: The New Year came very early this year ...

Observation #2: I really miss reruns of "The Odd Couple" "The Honeymooners" and "Hogans Heros".

Observation #3: After 5 days of MTA strike hubub on every TV channel, radio staion and newspaper during X-Mas week, it is now as if it never happened. Either New Yorkers have very short memories or are very forgiving (I would suggest the former). I myself am still pissed off and hope our less than useless Governer sticks by his guns and presses every person that walked off the job, the union leaders, and the union for the millions of dollars of fines levied by the courts.

Observation #4: Toilet training of a 3 year old girl is only enjoyable in that it is the only road to the end of diapers.

Observation #5: The film buisness still sucks, but I don't care, my last film is just about finished.

Observation #6: I am enjoying watching the current administration and the Republican party single handedly tear itself apart with no help from the spineless Democrats.

Observation #7: Even though I am no big fan of sub zero weather, NYC just isn't NYC when it is 54 degrees in January.

Observation #8: Coke Zero is addictive.

Observation #9: Being married for 9 years has been easier than I ever thought it could have been (clearly I chose the right person).

Observation #10: I hope 2006 is better than 2005 (and 2005 wasn't as bad as it could have been ....)

Can you wag it on a train? Can you wag it in the Rain?

No this dog will not wag George I am.
Terror level Red.
Oh MY….
Just life in NYC
Right ….

Does anyone find it at all interesting that the day that a couple of opinion poles come out (last Friday) showing Bush’s ratings dropping like pigeon crap on Lord Admiral Nelson’s head in Trafalgar Square, we mysteriously have a terror alert here in NYC? I mean come on guys.

Same old song and dance my friend.

Unfortunately, this time, the mayor of New York City, (a mayor I am not terribly fond of, but have to respect) took matters into his own hands and against the wishes of most of the Fed, released the information before the President’s cronies could make hay of the incident.

So…

Instead of being the President who found out about an alleged terrorist plot ( I believe that’s what they are calling it now) and saving the day with quick “decisive” action on the part of the intelligence community he had to claim the threat as “unsubstantiated” because it was too late for him to be the hero. The dog was out of the bag so to speak. This was one dog who’s tail wasn’t going to wag. His timing however, is impeccable. He is getting slammed 9 ways from Sunday and he needed something to halt the hemorrhage of blood from his presidential femoral artery.

Starting with the amazing cock up that was the Katrina fiasco, including his college drinking buddy as the head of FEMA or the ex head of FEMA another close friend who was already lining up the construction contracts for the New Orleans rebuild.

Iraq, which has become (well it always was) Viet Nam without the lush vegetation and under brush. The death toll keeps rising and he has no clue as how to get us out of there.

His own right wing base wants his testes on a platter because he is considering putting a non-reactionary non right wing non ultra conservative woman on the bench of the highest court in the land. Of course the spineless Democrats finally can now just watch the Republicans implode over this one. The thing I love is that George had clearly searched the land. Hi and low. He has interviewed every federal justice now sitting or who ever sat on the bench, and through his infinite wisdom, he has concluded, that the finest possible candidate in all the land is …. His personal attorney. Good thing his lawyer isn’t H&R Block, he would have a real tough time picking one Block for the bench.

George has got his Johnson in a ringer and his only hope at deflecting some of this was to put some terror back in our lives. Well…

Georgie, I am here to tell you that most New Yorkers barely gave it a notice after Friday afternoon. You see, once you have seen the towers fall, you know when it’s real and when it’s just politics. You have been playing politics with us too long Georgie boy. Orange alert level right after the Democratic convention, that was ingenious. Rove definitley earned his pesos with that one. Our Mayor, while technically part of your party, doesn’t really like you and really has no use for politicians in general. Beleive it or not his first responsibility is to the people of NYC. So if you want use NYC for your own gain, next time you are really going to have drop something on us if you want our attention.

Don’t ask for whom the bells toll W, because their tolling for you. NYC will not be your play thing anymore.

I’m Bruce Wayne … From Bombay ... Really

OK, how many people have had phone calls recently from someone named Peter Parker or John Smith or Steve Jones or Bruce Banner but they sound surprisingly like the pimp from “Bachelor Party”? Oh and the call was from your bank? Possibly CHASE?

Well I got one from John Smith on Saturday and let me tell you, it pissed me off. I thought it was just me but I just got a phone call from a buddy of mine telling me he just got a call from (and I shit you not) Peter Parker but he sounded nothing like Tobey Maguire or Paul Soles (the voice of the 1967 Peter Parker/Spiderman cartoon), nope he sounded like Gandhi or Baboo Bot from “Seinfeld.

What are these people thinking?

I mean it’s bad enough that they are shipping every job that is not nailed down over seas but to have to get a call from my bank (actually credit card company) and have some guy in New Delhi trying to pass himself off as an American, well in the words of Yosemite Sam, That burns my biscuits. Don’t get me wrong I am no jingoist flag waver but I do resent having my intelligence insulted. Do they think that nobody will notice. I have known many people from India and Pakistan and let me tell you, not one of them has been named Fred Williamson or Marvin Rabinowitz.

So what’s the point? Why would a big corporation like CHASE allow this type of thing to go on within the ranks of their sales group?

Perhaps they think that a foreign name would put people off?

Hmm. Not more than hearing somebody who sounds like Apoo tell me their name is Robert Young.

So what is the reasoning behind such a blatantly stupid yet deliberate act of fraud.

Yes it’s fraud, there I said, you can too . FRAUD.

Sure if Sanjay Singh called me up to tell me about the new things that CHASE wants to sell me I would hang up on him also, but, and here’s the big difference, I wouldn’t abuse him first the way I abused John Smith. I told Mr. Smith that, actually it went something like this:

Me: Hello
JS: Hello Mr. ________ my name is John Smith and I am calling from CHASE BANK to tell you…
Me: Excuse me? What’s your name?
JS: John Smith and I am calling from CHASE BANK to (they always have to start their spiel all over from the beginning if you interrupt them)
Me: No you’re not. No way are you John Smith. You’re Sanjay Singh from Bombay
SJ: No I’m not, I am John Smith and I am calling from CHASE BANK
Me: Don’t give me that, you’re a telemarketer sitting in the black hole of Calcutta and you ain’t no godamn John Smith. Don’t call here anymore.

Then I hung up. Had he just said his real name I would have hung up on him right away without the added abuse. Granted I enjoy that kind of thing. But all the same, CHASE BANK is going to quickly lose my business because of stunts like that.

Just one more corporation under estimating the intelligence of the public.

Oh did I mention it was

CHASE BANK. SENDING ALL THOSE JOBS OVERSEAS.

CHASE BANK, TAKING FOOD OUT OF THE MOUTH OF AMERICANS.

CHASE PAYING PEOPLE TO MAKE BELIEVE THEY ARE JOHN SMITH…

I went to school with John Smith sir and I can tell you here and now that you are no JOHN SMITH!!!!

Don Adams(1923 -2005) ....Would you believe....?

This was a funny guy.
Nobody could deliver such absurd dialogue with absolute seriousness better than Don Adams. He was part of a group of comedians which have not been remotely paralleled in the last 40 years. Buck Henry, Mel Brooks, Carl Reiner, Sid Caesar these guys brought the funny. It wasn't dumbed down for the masses. It wasn't (for the most part) test marketed to chimpanzees in the Congo for an approval rating. It was raw, intelligent, irreverent and more than anything else, it was funny.

Really funny.

Don Adams had a way of delivering a line so that even though he was deadly serious, you were laughing before the payoff of the joke even reached the screen. Whether he was voicing "Tennessee Tuxedo, The Penguin With a Plan" or as Agent 86, Maxwell Smart, defender of justice and thorn in the side of KAOS and Bernie Koppell. He had no peer. He was an original often copied, never surpassed.

I am thrilled that a younger generation was able to enjoy him as the voice of "Inspector Gadget" but his true genius was his delivery coupled with his facial expressions. In case you never got to see it, he had a show in the mid 70's called "Don Adam's Screen Test". It was a great show where ordinary people from the audience would be put into famous scenes (very often perfect replicas of the actual set) with real actors (some times famous, I recall Don Rickles being a regular guest) and as they shot it, the comedy of recreating the scene was hysterical even when the scene wasn't supposed to be. It was the kind of TV that I really miss when I see ads for "The Apprentice 1, 2 & 3" or "Survivor. Unfortunately, those days are long gone.

Oh and the next time you watch "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer" listen for the voice of Comet the reindeer coach as he chastises poor Rudolph for his blinkin beacon ... It's Don.

Agent 86, you've been relieved of duty ... but I hear they have great job waiting for you up there ... Ok, would you believe ....

Dickless, no life, pathetic couch potato computer addicts.

Don't you just hate weasels.
We've had an anonymous asshole (no balls, just anonymous) harrassing us about my posting parts of my production journal on the web. Well, when we asked this person to tell us who they were they didn't have the balls to fess up. But they most be all knowing ...
Well of course we aren't going to listen to them. However, this waste of space went and found a journal my former partner published during our last feature film and felt the need to post it here. With names in it. Due to this fact I had to delete the post because I don't know how to delete the comment. Owing to the amount of spineless no-lifers out there who have nothing better to do with their time than harrass other people who do have lives, I have been forced to make the commenting on this site members only. For my regular non-anonymous readers and friends, just drop me a note and I will put you on the list if you so desire.
For all of you anonymous, cowardly, wastes of flesh and oxygen, you can come to Brooklyn and kiss my ass in person.

AQT - PRODUCTION DIARY #3 - reposted

Wednesday, August 3,
One down three to go.
What can I say, the first weekend of shooting was everything I had hoped it would be and more. For the most part the actors came prepared and on time. We had very few technical problems and we finished up three scenes ahead of where we planned.

I wound up cutting two scenes out of hand once we were out there. They were superfluous and un- necessary. That became clear once I had a chance to see the scenes before and after.

I just finished capturing all the video and sound footage from the three days. I am mostly happy with what I am looking at. I seem to have some communication problems with my DP as he does not always understand what I would like him to do. I am chalking this up to this being our first weekend working together. I am sure it will get better.

J is flying in tomorrow night and he will be a welcomed addition. It seems things are moving along quite nicely with “Nailed” and it’s getting into the hands of the people who need to see it. So with any luck, when he returns to England in two weeks he will be meeting with a number of people who are interested in giving us money.

I am still concerned about the actress playing Carol Ann. The quality I saw in her at the audition is not coming through, mostly I think because she is not off book yet. With any luck she will be on track by Friday.

9-11-05

4 Years.
Never Forget.
Be glad your alive.
Hug somebody, give somebody a kiss.
Say thank you to somebody who should have been thanked.
Call somebody you should have called a long time ago and didn't

Never Forget that it is good to be alive....