I’m Bruce Wayne … From Bombay ... Really

OK, how many people have had phone calls recently from someone named Peter Parker or John Smith or Steve Jones or Bruce Banner but they sound surprisingly like the pimp from “Bachelor Party”? Oh and the call was from your bank? Possibly CHASE?

Well I got one from John Smith on Saturday and let me tell you, it pissed me off. I thought it was just me but I just got a phone call from a buddy of mine telling me he just got a call from (and I shit you not) Peter Parker but he sounded nothing like Tobey Maguire or Paul Soles (the voice of the 1967 Peter Parker/Spiderman cartoon), nope he sounded like Gandhi or Baboo Bot from “Seinfeld.

What are these people thinking?

I mean it’s bad enough that they are shipping every job that is not nailed down over seas but to have to get a call from my bank (actually credit card company) and have some guy in New Delhi trying to pass himself off as an American, well in the words of Yosemite Sam, That burns my biscuits. Don’t get me wrong I am no jingoist flag waver but I do resent having my intelligence insulted. Do they think that nobody will notice. I have known many people from India and Pakistan and let me tell you, not one of them has been named Fred Williamson or Marvin Rabinowitz.

So what’s the point? Why would a big corporation like CHASE allow this type of thing to go on within the ranks of their sales group?

Perhaps they think that a foreign name would put people off?

Hmm. Not more than hearing somebody who sounds like Apoo tell me their name is Robert Young.

So what is the reasoning behind such a blatantly stupid yet deliberate act of fraud.

Yes it’s fraud, there I said, you can too . FRAUD.

Sure if Sanjay Singh called me up to tell me about the new things that CHASE wants to sell me I would hang up on him also, but, and here’s the big difference, I wouldn’t abuse him first the way I abused John Smith. I told Mr. Smith that, actually it went something like this:

Me: Hello
JS: Hello Mr. ________ my name is John Smith and I am calling from CHASE BANK to tell you…
Me: Excuse me? What’s your name?
JS: John Smith and I am calling from CHASE BANK to (they always have to start their spiel all over from the beginning if you interrupt them)
Me: No you’re not. No way are you John Smith. You’re Sanjay Singh from Bombay
SJ: No I’m not, I am John Smith and I am calling from CHASE BANK
Me: Don’t give me that, you’re a telemarketer sitting in the black hole of Calcutta and you ain’t no godamn John Smith. Don’t call here anymore.

Then I hung up. Had he just said his real name I would have hung up on him right away without the added abuse. Granted I enjoy that kind of thing. But all the same, CHASE BANK is going to quickly lose my business because of stunts like that.

Just one more corporation under estimating the intelligence of the public.

Oh did I mention it was

CHASE BANK. SENDING ALL THOSE JOBS OVERSEAS.

CHASE BANK, TAKING FOOD OUT OF THE MOUTH OF AMERICANS.

CHASE PAYING PEOPLE TO MAKE BELIEVE THEY ARE JOHN SMITH…

I went to school with John Smith sir and I can tell you here and now that you are no JOHN SMITH!!!!