40 Questions - Why Me, Why Me?

I saw this in Zazafooky's blog and it seemed like a good idea so I shall follow suit .... She is truly a trend setter....

1) My uncle once:
Tried to climb up the breakfront in my parent's living room while re-enacting the exodus of the Children of Israel during a Seder. I think he’d been smoking a bit too much Panama Red before the meal.

2) Never in my life:
Will I understand the hypocrisy of the religious right.

3) When I was five:
I started playing the drums.

4) High School was:
boring, full of dumbasses who were living the best days of their lives (little did they know at the time, can you say,"Would you like fries with that?") and not over fast enough.

5) I will never forget:
9-11

6) I once met:
I have met a lot of famous people and it means nothing. The best people I have met were not famous.

7) There’s this girl I knew who:
Who could make loud pussy farts on command – She was really popular at parties.

8 ) Once, at a bar:
I drank club soda – ONCE.

9) By noon I’m usually:
Buried in work while my daughter watches Mary Poppins or Mighty Wind for the 400th time.

10) Last night:
The Mets lost AGAIN.

11) If I only had:
the ability to finance my own films and retain complete creative control.

12) Next time I go to church:
Monkey’s will fly out of my ass first.

13) Terry Schiavo:
Was an unfortunate woman.

14) What worries me most:
The lack of humility and humanity expressed by the current administration.

15) When I turn my head left, I see:
A whining Child

16) When I turn my head right, I see:
a snoring Black Lab/Newfie mix

17) You know I’m lying when:
I don’t – well not much anyway.

18) What I miss most about the eighties:
Not a goddamn thing

19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be:
Señor Benedict – “Much Ado About Nothing”

20) By this time next year:
I hope to have another finished feature film.

21) A better name for me would be:
Mr. President

22) I have a hard time understanding:
See Question #1 – and add to that the truly intolerant attitude towards the rest of the world. It makes m e sick.

23) If I ever go back to school I’ll:
Not gonna happen.

24) You know I like you if:
If I insult you within 5 minutes of meeting you.

25) If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be:
My wife,

26) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro:
Genius, Genius, Funny Fuckin Guy & A joke ….

27) Take my advice, never:
believe anyone who tells you “Oh it will only take a minute” every thing takes 3 hours.

28) My ideal breakfast is:
Eggs Benedict – Extra Hollandaise / sausage/ Grits / Lots of coffee

29) A song I love, but do not have is:
It’s not possible.

30) If you visit my hometown, I suggest:
You think better of it and go somewhere else, like Passaic.

31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars:
Dutch, Something other people have, a good idea, generally skinny and sweaty.

32) Why won’t people:
Just shut the fuck up!

33) If you spend the night at my house:
I’d rather you didn’t.

34) I’d stop my wedding for:
It was so quick there wasn’t time enough to stop it.

35) The world could do without:
Religion and the zealots who preach it.

36) I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than:
Hmmm Nope.

37) My favorite blonde is:
Helen Hunt.

38) Paper clips are more useful than:
George Bush

39) If I do anything well, it’s:
See the big picture.

40) And by the way:
Go Fuck Yourself …. And have a nice day
(The new motto of New York City)