Sunday, April 24, 2005

The Glamour of the Biz

The joys of the film biz are never ending. Last minute script re-writes and more last minute buisness crap than you can shake a stick at. So we are waiting for an OK on the final script and then probably a quick trip out to LA next week to sign our lives away. We have also just lost two of our main actors due to schedule conflicts and personal commitments. So now it is also back to the drawing board as far as casting goes. They say the journey is half the fun.

NOT!

Hopefully next week I can start being funny again. These people have sucked the life and the funny right out of me....

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

B&B Production Journal Installment #2

Well ... A day early but it looks like we are at 1st and Goal for the movie money. I got a call from "L" this afternoon. She heard from "B" in LA and the money is a go and we should have our bond on the 22nd. Barring another Tsunami or Terrorist attack we should be in Production the first or second week of June. OF course that means that pre-production hell will begin roughly 4 weeks from now. I shouldn't complain. Hell I shouldn't even be talking about any of this because our past track record with regards to raising money pretty much resembles man's first attempts at flight.

Lots of crashing and burning.

Hopefully not this time.

Fingers are crossed and candles are lit.....

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Happy Battle of Appomattox Court House - Day

How many folks out there knew that 140 years ago today Robert E. Lee surrendered to Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox Court House Virginia, which, for all practical purposes ended the War Between the States or The American Civil War as it is commonly called.
Over 600,000 Americans gave their lives (that's on both side folks) fighting for causes they believed in. Over 1.2 million men fought in that war.
For my money, the conflict that began on April 12, 1861 and ended almost 4 years to the day of those first shots being fired on Fort Sumter, are some of the most important in our history as a country. Unfortunately, this stuff isn't taught in the schools anymore. They spend 4 days on the Civil War.

Day 1 - Abraham Lincoln is elected President
Day 2 - The South secedes from the union because they don't want to give up their slaves (is the over simplified or what?)
Day 3 - The Union Wins
Day 4 - Lincoln Frees the slaves and then is shot..... NEXT!

What is most important about the ACW (American Civil War) is that is was the ultimate test. That's right a test. Let me explain,

The American Revolution, everyone would agree is a pretty important event in our history. Let's face it without that when would we shoot off fireworks and eat burgers and dogs. (I kid here .... )
The Declaration of Independence and the Constitution all would agree are pretty important documents. so important that Dolly Madison thought to roll them up and send them out of the Capitol before the British could burn it down.

However ....

Had the South successfully seceded from the Union it all would have been for naught. It had only been 77 years since the Constitution had been ratified by all of the States and 88 years since the signing of the Declaration. This was a brand new country. This conflict was the test of this new experiment called Democracy. Nobody had ever attempted this. It was unknown territory. This was the first major bump in the historical road. If the Union failed, then Democracy failed.

Now, I understand all of the arguments regarding "States Rights" and I agree with some of them. I also believe that the majority of Soldiers who fought for the Confederacy believed they were fighting against Northern Aggression not for the institution of slavery (as most of them neither owned or would ever own slaves).

All of this aside, what this bloody and costly conflict accomplished was solely the unification of this country. The South has never gotten over the loss and the disaster that was "Reconstruction". And while it's nice to think that the war ended Slavery, the reality is that within 20 years the institution of slavery would have been eclipsed by the coming industrial revolution if for no other reason then economic ones. I am not saying that Slavery was not an abomination because it was. But the myth that Abe Lincoln was the great emancipator and that he freed the slaves needs to be put to bed. Again, this is a whole other piece of history.

My point here, despite all this historical drivel that some of you may find interesting, is that our history, yours and mine (If you are an American) is being erased by PC curriculums, poor understanding of history by our teachers and a general lack of interest by most of the population of this country.

Lets face it, Memorial Day is a day for BBQ's, Car Sales and 3 day weekends.

For most people the 4th of July is about fireworks and Beer. The date has no meaning. How many people do you know can name ten of the men who signed the Declaration of Independence?

Veteran's Day comes and goes with little fanfare at all. Presidents day is basically an advertisement for every Motor Company Sale of the year.

Well today, April 9, is about as important a day as any of the ones I mentioned. It is a day that ended a war that took more American lives than all the other wars we have fought put together. It ended a war that split this country to it's core and had brother literally killing brother. It was a war that tested the very fabric of what our founding fathers stood for against King George and his parliament and fought and died to give us.

On this Day 140 years ago, General Grant could have spanked the naughty "Rebels" by arresting and trying their officers as traitors. By imprisoning the entire Army of Northern Virginia (which at the point only had about 15,000 men).

But he didn't.

He gave parole to the entire army and made sure they were all fed and clothed for their long trip back South, Back Home.
He allowed the officers to keep their swords. He refused Robert Lee's sword, He gave them their dignity, He understood that this day, was a day for healing. The union troops were instructed not to jeer or cheer after the surrender. During the surrender, General Joshua Chamberlain saluted the Southern General John B. Gordon out of respect and it is still talked about to this day. They all understood what was at stake. They all understood that this was history.

It is a day that represents the very best of what we as Americans can be. That we are all Americans. Contrary to what some folks on the "right" would like to believe. We are all Americans. Proud Americans, Proud to live in the greatest country on the planet. Proud enough to point out when we think our country and government is going down the wrong path. That is what this day means. These men fought and died to preserve my right to disagree at the top of my lungs with the current administration. It doesn't make me un-American. It makes 100% American.
That's what today means.
God Bless The Union and God Bless America.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Same Planet Different Worlds

Last night I had a rather bizarre experience that I felt needed to be written down. Whether or not you will find it interesting remains to be seen.

For the last 6 months or so, my band (see the Bikini Bottom Link on the side bar) has been like a nomadic tribe looking for an oasis. We have played in a number of rehearsal studios and each one has had it’s own brand of chaos and disaster.
- One was in such disrepair that the gear would literally fall apart around us.
- One was run by a moron who basically accused us of breaking equipment that was already broken when we walked in to the studio (him I nearly put in the hospital)
- The next one was a great studio out in the wilds of Brooklyn, and run by Rastafarians. Everything was great until we showed up two weeks in a row to find the studio locked and no answering machine on the phone. We think they were arrested. (there was quite a lot of Gangja being smoked in the booth)

Which brings us to last night. We met an interesting fellow through a Craig’s List ad who had a studio in Williamsburg Brooklyn. I met the guy. He was a little eccentric, a little nutty but he seemed like a nice enough guy. We talked a bunch and set up a time for the band to go over to the studio and rehearse for a couple of hours. We went over there and did a two hour rehearsal. If went fine. My singer “M” however had some mixed feelings about our “whacky” studio guy which I pretty much disregarded because the guy seemed like a nice enough guy even if he was a bit of a nutter and he wanted to work with us to do a recording. So…

For the last couple of weeks this guys has been calling me to check in to see when we were coming back to record. Finally after the last waste of a trip to the Rastas we decided it was time to go back to Williamsburg and give this guy a shot. So…

Last night we went over to the studio for a rehearsal session which would hopefully be a tune up for recording in the next week or so. Oh and I forgot to mention that during the day, he called me to tell me that if we wanted him to hang around and listen and give us comments he would have to charge us the recording rate instead of the rehearsal rate. I told him we couldn’t afford that right now so it would be cool if he just took off after he got us settled in. Well…

We got to the studio and he decided that he really had nothing else to do so he would hang around (at the rehearsal rate) and help us, but with one stipulation. We give him complete and total control over one song. Put our trust in him and do what he says. Now most folks who know me can pretty well figure out that I don’t do the whole “give up control, your going to tell me what to do” thing very well. But we acquiesced and let him play Zubin Mehta for a while. It only took about ten minutes. He told us what to play and we did it (even though I wasn’t crazy about the changes he was making) and then he told us to stop. Here is where it gets really bizarre.

He slowly walks over to his bed (oh yeah, this studio is in his apartment) and sits down very slowly in the corner. I wish I could remember verbatim the babble and drivel that came out of his mouth at the point. But it went something like this:

“I don’t know what to say …. I am feeling, uh … really bad … uh I don’t want to say mean things ….”

And we said “hey we’re big boys, we can handle it, go ahead. Tell us what you’re thinking.”

Now at this point I’m thinking that he isn’t happy with the way we are playing it and he is trying to come up with a different approach.

Nope. What he says is this (Imagine Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man saying this)

“Uh, I can’t work with you and uh.… you can’t work with me …. Uh you can’t uh play here anymore. You have to leave now…”

We had been there for exactly 8 minutes. As soon as that came out of his mouth I was already packing up my stuff. My bass player was stunned and my singer was amused but I was just ready to leave. Clearly this guy is unhinged and a complete whackadoo and we have had enough people like that involved with us that we don’t need anymore. It reminds me of a quote from the movie “As Good As It Gets” Jack Nicholson says to the Hispanic housekeeper “Go sell crazy someplace else, we’re all full up here”

Well I tried not to burst out laughing at this guy in the studio, so I packed up my sticks and walked outside to the car, where I actually burst into hysterics. So much so that I had trouble putting the key in the back door of the car.

I don’t want to know what was in this guys mind (because I don’t really care) but all of the posturing and posing in the world can’t cover up the fact this guy is off his rocker. In fact he wanted us to leave so quickly that he actually put on James Taylor in the hopes that we would exit in a timely manner. It worked. We couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

I did however learn a valuable lesson last night:
Next time I want someone to leave, just put on a little James Taylor or Gordon Lightfoot.

Kind of makes it all worth while.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Time Warner - Kiss My Ass Goodbye

So, I have my new computer for about a week now. It’s a monster. It’s fast, it has a huge screen for a lap top (17”) and weighs less than 6lbs. So you would think all my problems are solved all is right with the world. Well not so much….

Here in the Big Apple (and that’s all 5 boroughs for those of you who don’t live here) we have a crisis of commerce going on. The two companies that control what we watch on Cable TV are in a death match. Time Warner (Scumbag #1) and Cable Vision (Scumbag #2) have decided that this would be the perfect year to fight over broadcasting the MSG (Madison Square Garden network – They would be carrying the Rangers if there was a hockey season) and FoxSportsNet on which the NY Mets are normally broadcast.

Well, the crushing loss today not withstanding, this is supposed to be the beginning of the New Mets, Pedro Martinez, Carlos Beltran, all the off season hooplah but what do the die hard fans residing in the five boroughs get? BUPKIS!!!! That’s Yiddish for “Fuck all”. While Time Warner and Cablevision continue their dick measuring contest we have missed the entire pre-season and the first game of the season.

I absolutely despise the fact that we are being held hostage by these corporate fuck heads who could give a shit about us. Oh I forgot, Time Warner in it’s benevolence has offered a $2.00 a month refund for all the months without MSG and FoxSportsnet. Ooh boy, what shall I do with this windfall? Invest? Buy my mom a Cadillac? Nope. It only gets me a one way on the subway. The absolute sack on these guys is staggering.

So what to do?

They can all go fuck themselves. Tomorrow I am ordering Direct TV and Verizon DSL and telling Time Warner to take their slow ass cable modem and their pixelated digital signal and stick it straight up there network.

The big plus? I am saving about $20 a month from what I am paying now for TW and RoadRunner (should be called “Dog with no legs Runner”.

I don’t even care if the service is worse or better than TW. At this point it’s the principal of the thing. From what I understand there are tons of TW customers in the 5 Boroughs jumping the TW ship. These corporate rat bastards only understand dollars and the bottom line. If more people shit canned these bums they might get the idea that they can’t screw with us when the whim hits them.

But most people, like sheep, will just sit, collect their $2.00 a months and wait patiently for stations that aren’t coming back anytime.

Not Me….